Or, Who Am I, Really?
Dreamed last night that I'd come up with a formula that clearly described how and why time travel is doomed to fail. Section 1 demonstrated how, when traveling to the past and changing it, the "distance" traveled through time on the outbound journey is different from the "distance" traveled on the return journey. The resulting inequality causes the equation to fail, proving that time travel won't work.
Also dreamed that I'd fallen in with a post-apocalyptic scavenger gang, who welcomed me with open arms as one of their own. All that remained was to choose a nickname. Like "Tank", or "Reaper", or "Static", or something. Because you can't be in a post-apocalyptic scavenger gang without some kind of cool nickname. After trying unsuccessfully for several minutes to think of one, I woke up.
So there you have it: In my dreams, I'm clever enough to solve the formula for time travel, but can't come up with a decent nickname for myself.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Three Ways Firefox is Better Than IE
Or, Things That Are Probably User-Configurable in IE, But I Can't Be Bothered to Check
Also, it's not really Han's fault that Darth Vader is invincible to lasers. He still did the right thing.
- When you create a new tab in Firefox, the address bar is empty, and has the focus. With a few simple keystrokes (CTRL-C, CTRL-T, CTRL-V, ENTER), you can copy a string, open a new tab, paste the string into the address bar, and go to that address. IE populates the new tab's address bar with the URL for the homepage, requiring time-consuming and tedious mouse-clicks to point it to a new page.
- The "/" key in Firefox invokes the search function. And it comes up fast. And it searches as you type. Waaay better than IE's "CTRL+F", which lags, and which doesn't search until you press ENTER. The Firefox method is doubly awsome if you also like using the vi text editor, which uses the same search mode invocation character.
- Remember that time when Han Solo was cruising the corridors of Bespin Cloud City with his main man Lando Calrissian and the smoking hot Princess Leia Organa? He'd just had a hot bath, and was wearing sweet new clothes. A fine dinner was about to be served. Things were looking good. Then the door opens, and there's Darth Vader. Does Han hesitate? Does he dive for cover or shriek like a little girl? No! Of course not! His response is immediate and definitive: Darth Vader = laser in the face. No questions, no recriminations, nothing. Just lasers. In the face.
Also, it's not really Han's fault that Darth Vader is invincible to lasers. He still did the right thing.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Control Issues
I Has Them
I have control issues. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not judging. I'm just saying. I'm not OCD. I'm not a neat freak. I don't insist on doing the same thing the same way every time. I just like feeling in control.
And okay, I do insist on doing some things the same way every time. The covers on the bed, for example. I like to start the night with the sheets and covers all lined up square with the bed. Mrs. C., on the other hand... Let's just say that when it comes to bedclothes, she projects an Aura of Discombobulation. You know Apple CEO Steve Jobs' Reality Distortion Field? Yeah. It's like that, only with bedclothes.
Anyway. I had a minor Life Event the other day, that required certain responses from me. I'd been thinking lately about my control issues, so I happened to notice what I did in that regard, in response to this event.
Controlling a Life Event: Day 1
Control the situation by deferring all necessary actions until the following day.
Controlling a Life Event: Day 2
Control the situation by taking all necessary action promptly. Well, try to. Get all anxious and distressed when other people aren't around to take my calls and do their part to complete the process. I mean, I'm ready. Why aren't they?
Not that there's anything wrong with that. It was interesting to notice, and I think it's worth filing away for future reference.
I have control issues. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not judging. I'm just saying. I'm not OCD. I'm not a neat freak. I don't insist on doing the same thing the same way every time. I just like feeling in control.
And okay, I do insist on doing some things the same way every time. The covers on the bed, for example. I like to start the night with the sheets and covers all lined up square with the bed. Mrs. C., on the other hand... Let's just say that when it comes to bedclothes, she projects an Aura of Discombobulation. You know Apple CEO Steve Jobs' Reality Distortion Field? Yeah. It's like that, only with bedclothes.
Anyway. I had a minor Life Event the other day, that required certain responses from me. I'd been thinking lately about my control issues, so I happened to notice what I did in that regard, in response to this event.
Controlling a Life Event: Day 1
Control the situation by deferring all necessary actions until the following day.
Controlling a Life Event: Day 2
Control the situation by taking all necessary action promptly. Well, try to. Get all anxious and distressed when other people aren't around to take my calls and do their part to complete the process. I mean, I'm ready. Why aren't they?
Not that there's anything wrong with that. It was interesting to notice, and I think it's worth filing away for future reference.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Okay, so question...
Or, Enquiring Minds Want to Know
Okay, so question: If Dingell's bill is all that, why not just pass it and sign it already? Pow! Problem solved! Right?
And if Dingell's bill isn't all that, what does that say about Dingell (and what does that say about the dude--and by "dude" I mean "President of the United States"--who got up in front of Congress and drew it to our attention)?
A bill for comprehensive health reform was first introduced by John Dingell Sr. in 1943. Sixty-five years later, his son continues to introduce that same bill at the beginning of each session.
(Barack Obama, "Remarks by the President to a Joint Session of Congress on Health Care", Sep. 9, 2009)
Okay, so question: If Dingell's bill is all that, why not just pass it and sign it already? Pow! Problem solved! Right?
And if Dingell's bill isn't all that, what does that say about Dingell (and what does that say about the dude--and by "dude" I mean "President of the United States"--who got up in front of Congress and drew it to our attention)?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Some Things
Or, A list of things because apparently lists help to overcome blogging inertia (especially on Mondays, but this happens to be a Tuesday)
1. I have to come up with a third fake company name. Hasturcom is my current employer; LENG Engineering is my previous employer. Now that I'm being seriously considered for a position with yet a third employer, I need to come up with a third name.
2. "LENG" is short for "LENG ENGineering". It's recursive!
3. My company names are based on the works of H. P. Lovecraft. So I dunno... "NyarlathoTech", maybe?
4. I prefer to put punctuation outside of quotation marks, unless they're part of the quote. Since I've left the school environment, I figured it didn't matter too much, and formed a pretty strong habit of this. Then I re-entered the school environment. Turns out the rules of punctuation haven't changed while I was gone. Now, for the first time in ten years, it matters. Argh.
5. I still owe you all a definition of "Gibson". To me, a Gibson is a sign that the future is upon us. The rapidly-approaching widespread use of cell phones to do banking is a Gibson (or will be, when it hits). The advent of steam-powered ironclads with guns mounted in turrets was a Gibson from a previous period of history. The quintessential Gibson is the H3: a smaller version of the Hummer that appeared in William Gibson's novel Pattern Recognition a year before Hummer unveiled the real thing.
6. Driving through the Cental Valley this weekend, I saw an old small-town water tower adorned with cellular network antennas. That's another kind of "Gibson": the future stuck onto the past.
7. Information Promiscuity: Mrs. C. posts our weekend vacation schedule and itinerary on Facebook. Me? I say no to Facebook apps that request access to my profile.
8. I plan to post my thoughts on the battle of Gettysburg, Real Soon Now.
9. Movies I plan to put in my Netflix queue, that have "9" in the title: 9 and District 9.
1. I have to come up with a third fake company name. Hasturcom is my current employer; LENG Engineering is my previous employer. Now that I'm being seriously considered for a position with yet a third employer, I need to come up with a third name.
2. "LENG" is short for "LENG ENGineering". It's recursive!
3. My company names are based on the works of H. P. Lovecraft. So I dunno... "NyarlathoTech", maybe?
4. I prefer to put punctuation outside of quotation marks, unless they're part of the quote. Since I've left the school environment, I figured it didn't matter too much, and formed a pretty strong habit of this. Then I re-entered the school environment. Turns out the rules of punctuation haven't changed while I was gone. Now, for the first time in ten years, it matters. Argh.
5. I still owe you all a definition of "Gibson". To me, a Gibson is a sign that the future is upon us. The rapidly-approaching widespread use of cell phones to do banking is a Gibson (or will be, when it hits). The advent of steam-powered ironclads with guns mounted in turrets was a Gibson from a previous period of history. The quintessential Gibson is the H3: a smaller version of the Hummer that appeared in William Gibson's novel Pattern Recognition a year before Hummer unveiled the real thing.
6. Driving through the Cental Valley this weekend, I saw an old small-town water tower adorned with cellular network antennas. That's another kind of "Gibson": the future stuck onto the past.
7. Information Promiscuity: Mrs. C. posts our weekend vacation schedule and itinerary on Facebook. Me? I say no to Facebook apps that request access to my profile.
8. I plan to post my thoughts on the battle of Gettysburg, Real Soon Now.
9. Movies I plan to put in my Netflix queue, that have "9" in the title: 9 and District 9.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Western Military Theorists I Have Read Lately
In Chronological Order
A few years back, Mrs. C. bought me a reprinted collection of works by military theorists. It was originally published in the early 20th century (between WW1 and WW2). Lately I've been working my way through them.
Vegetius
This guy was a historian in the later period of the Roman Empire. He took it upon himself to review earlier Greek and Roman military theories and practices, and compile a summary of the high points. The stated purpose of the work was to advise the current Roman emperor of the best way to (re)organize his army, which like the rest of Rome had become decadent and weak.
The result is a surprisingly simple, straightforward book. It covers such topics as recruiting standards, equipment and training, order of battle, and establishment of camps. It also describes the chain of command and the duties of the officers of various ranks. And of course it reviews the Roman system of battle.
One of the most interesting arguments Vegetius makes is that the Roman armies of old were victorious in part because of their small size. Larger armies become too difficult to manage; better to field a smaller army, well trained and confident in the strength of its arms, under the direct command of a single general. He cites several historical examples of smaller, more agile Roman armies handily defeating much larger, unwieldy enemies.
Supposedly Vegetius was very highly regarded by strategists and generals during the Middle Ages. This makes sense, since the arms of that time would not have been much different from the arms of the Roman Empire.
De Saxe
A German officer who spent most of his career in French service, De Saxe formed his opinions of warfare during the early days of gunpowder, and it shows in his writing.
De Saxe proposed a reform of the armies of the day, into smaller units along classical Roman lines. He is credited by some military historians as being the father of the modern division-based army organization.
Gunpowder weapons being much less reliable and effective then than they later became, De Saxe argued against the practice of having the infantry fire while they advanced. He saw this as a waste of time that interrupted their charge, robbed them of their forward momentum, and left them vulnerable to a more aggressive opponent. He preferred the infantry to charge directly into hand-to-hand combat, exploiting the weakness of an enemy that had not taken his advice.
He had several other innovative recommendations, including a lightweight field gun that could move and fire in support of infantry action, rather than the larger artillery pieces, which comprised a separate arm of their own.
My favorite part of De Saxe's work is his note at the end, where he explains that he had written the entire thing during a seven day period while suffering from a fever, for his own amusement.
De Saxe was reportedly very popular with the strategists and commanders who came after him, throughout the Napoleonic period.
Frederick the Great
De Saxe died before gunpowder weapons technology had improved very much, and before anybody had gotten around to trying the reforms he suggested.
Frederick II, King of Prussia, deserves a lot of credit for putting De Saxe's ideas into practice, and also for coming up with many excellent ideas of his own.
As a young man, Frederick wanted nothing more than to be an artist. He even ran away to England to get away from his father, who had a more martial career in mind for him. But when his father died, and Frederick took the throne, he transformed into one of the greatest warlords in the history of the western world.
At that time, Prussia was a small nation with large, belligerent neighbors eager to add this tasty morsel to their domains. They would even form alliances with each other, for the purpose of conquering Prussia and dividing the spoils amongst themselves.
Frederick dealt with this problem by forming a well-trained, highly mobile army. He was renowned for the rapidity of his marches, and his ability to deploy his forces with surprising speed and deftness. Wherever the threat loomed largest on his borders, his army seemed able to spring to meet it and drive it back.
Frederick's Instructions to his generals include detailed plans for invading the regions neighboring Prussia. They take into careful account the differing geography and populations of each region. The Instructions also analyze the specific nature and personality of Prussian soldiers, that set them apart from the soldiers of other nations, and suited them to certain kinds of warfare more than others.
The Instructions were top secret, printed only in a limited edition. Each Prussian general was instructed, upon receipt of his copy, to never take it with him into the field. When finally one such general was captured with the book on his person, it was immediately translated into every European language, and widely distributed. Napoleon held Frederick's ideas in high esteem. Von Clausewitz points to Frederick the Great repeatedly, as an example of excellence in the "art of war".
Napoleon Bonaparte
Widely considered to be one of the greatest generals of all time, Napoleon had a lot of opinions about warfare, but never bothered to write them all down in one place. Several collections of his maxims, proverbs, and recommendations have been made over the years. The one I read was compiled in 1794(?), and attempts to present the ones that are universal while omitting all those relating to specific details that will change from time to time and place to place.
One of the most notable concepts Napoleon introduced was attacking from the march. Other armies, from the Romans onward, had an order of battle that was different from their order of march. It was a time-consuming and complicated process to transition an army from its traveling configuration to its fighting configuration.
Napoleon devised a way to launch an assault against an enemy from the marching configuration. Thus he could move his army into contact with the enemy, and just keep up that motion right into them while they were still in the process of transitioning. Even if they were already in position, Napoleon's troops could still save time and maintain their momentum by using this tactic.
To be continued...
A few years back, Mrs. C. bought me a reprinted collection of works by military theorists. It was originally published in the early 20th century (between WW1 and WW2). Lately I've been working my way through them.
Vegetius
This guy was a historian in the later period of the Roman Empire. He took it upon himself to review earlier Greek and Roman military theories and practices, and compile a summary of the high points. The stated purpose of the work was to advise the current Roman emperor of the best way to (re)organize his army, which like the rest of Rome had become decadent and weak.
The result is a surprisingly simple, straightforward book. It covers such topics as recruiting standards, equipment and training, order of battle, and establishment of camps. It also describes the chain of command and the duties of the officers of various ranks. And of course it reviews the Roman system of battle.
One of the most interesting arguments Vegetius makes is that the Roman armies of old were victorious in part because of their small size. Larger armies become too difficult to manage; better to field a smaller army, well trained and confident in the strength of its arms, under the direct command of a single general. He cites several historical examples of smaller, more agile Roman armies handily defeating much larger, unwieldy enemies.
Supposedly Vegetius was very highly regarded by strategists and generals during the Middle Ages. This makes sense, since the arms of that time would not have been much different from the arms of the Roman Empire.
De Saxe
A German officer who spent most of his career in French service, De Saxe formed his opinions of warfare during the early days of gunpowder, and it shows in his writing.
De Saxe proposed a reform of the armies of the day, into smaller units along classical Roman lines. He is credited by some military historians as being the father of the modern division-based army organization.
Gunpowder weapons being much less reliable and effective then than they later became, De Saxe argued against the practice of having the infantry fire while they advanced. He saw this as a waste of time that interrupted their charge, robbed them of their forward momentum, and left them vulnerable to a more aggressive opponent. He preferred the infantry to charge directly into hand-to-hand combat, exploiting the weakness of an enemy that had not taken his advice.
He had several other innovative recommendations, including a lightweight field gun that could move and fire in support of infantry action, rather than the larger artillery pieces, which comprised a separate arm of their own.
My favorite part of De Saxe's work is his note at the end, where he explains that he had written the entire thing during a seven day period while suffering from a fever, for his own amusement.
De Saxe was reportedly very popular with the strategists and commanders who came after him, throughout the Napoleonic period.
Frederick the Great
De Saxe died before gunpowder weapons technology had improved very much, and before anybody had gotten around to trying the reforms he suggested.
Frederick II, King of Prussia, deserves a lot of credit for putting De Saxe's ideas into practice, and also for coming up with many excellent ideas of his own.
As a young man, Frederick wanted nothing more than to be an artist. He even ran away to England to get away from his father, who had a more martial career in mind for him. But when his father died, and Frederick took the throne, he transformed into one of the greatest warlords in the history of the western world.
At that time, Prussia was a small nation with large, belligerent neighbors eager to add this tasty morsel to their domains. They would even form alliances with each other, for the purpose of conquering Prussia and dividing the spoils amongst themselves.
Frederick dealt with this problem by forming a well-trained, highly mobile army. He was renowned for the rapidity of his marches, and his ability to deploy his forces with surprising speed and deftness. Wherever the threat loomed largest on his borders, his army seemed able to spring to meet it and drive it back.
Frederick's Instructions to his generals include detailed plans for invading the regions neighboring Prussia. They take into careful account the differing geography and populations of each region. The Instructions also analyze the specific nature and personality of Prussian soldiers, that set them apart from the soldiers of other nations, and suited them to certain kinds of warfare more than others.
The Instructions were top secret, printed only in a limited edition. Each Prussian general was instructed, upon receipt of his copy, to never take it with him into the field. When finally one such general was captured with the book on his person, it was immediately translated into every European language, and widely distributed. Napoleon held Frederick's ideas in high esteem. Von Clausewitz points to Frederick the Great repeatedly, as an example of excellence in the "art of war".
Napoleon Bonaparte
Widely considered to be one of the greatest generals of all time, Napoleon had a lot of opinions about warfare, but never bothered to write them all down in one place. Several collections of his maxims, proverbs, and recommendations have been made over the years. The one I read was compiled in 1794(?), and attempts to present the ones that are universal while omitting all those relating to specific details that will change from time to time and place to place.
One of the most notable concepts Napoleon introduced was attacking from the march. Other armies, from the Romans onward, had an order of battle that was different from their order of march. It was a time-consuming and complicated process to transition an army from its traveling configuration to its fighting configuration.
Napoleon devised a way to launch an assault against an enemy from the marching configuration. Thus he could move his army into contact with the enemy, and just keep up that motion right into them while they were still in the process of transitioning. Even if they were already in position, Napoleon's troops could still save time and maintain their momentum by using this tactic.
To be continued...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
In Dreams
Or, Taking Care of Business
Last night was a good night, dream-wise.
Of the three dreams, I smoked in two of them. Not that smoking is good, but it's the first time I've dreamt about smoking. I guess the smoking dream is supposed to be common among ex-smokers, but I've never had one before. So it's kind of a milestone.
Yet another reason the 80s were awsome
I don't know why now, after almost five years. Maybe it's because I've been watching a lot of Miami Vice lately. Did you know that in 1984, the central figure of a network TV series could smoke on-screen?
Anyway
Anyway, in one of my dreams I was tagging along with a bunch of musicians. We were hitting all the downtown bars, looking for venues to play in. In which to play. One bar we went into, turns out I'd been there before, and run up a huge tab that I'd never paid. Not a problem: I settled up on the spot, and shared beers and ciarrettes with the owner, bartender, and musicians. So that was pretty cool.
In another dream, some guy wanted to hire me to do some kind of job for him, but instead I hopped on a train with a dreadbagged stoner hippie british dude and his girlfriend. Assorted dream shenanigans ensued. Highlights included more smoking, and criticizing a commercial landlord for working harder to decorate an office-building lobby than to find tenants for the building.
Shenanigans accomplished, we returned to see the man about the job. The interview was brief:
THE MAN: Tell me about your technique.
ME: Well, mainly I burrow underground, and when the mark leasts expect it, I burst up from beneath his feet and Pow! I take him out.
THE MAN: Excellent! Let me tell you about the mark.
ME: Actually, I have another technique where I tell the mark that the burrowing thing is my main technique, and then Pow! I take him out. You're the mark. Pow!
So that was pretty awsome, too.
In Conclusion
In conclusion, a good night for dreams. Had my first smoking dream(s), settled an outstanding debt, and very cleverly ninja'd the crap out of some dude who totally didn't see it coming.
Last night was a good night, dream-wise.
Of the three dreams, I smoked in two of them. Not that smoking is good, but it's the first time I've dreamt about smoking. I guess the smoking dream is supposed to be common among ex-smokers, but I've never had one before. So it's kind of a milestone.
Yet another reason the 80s were awsome
I don't know why now, after almost five years. Maybe it's because I've been watching a lot of Miami Vice lately. Did you know that in 1984, the central figure of a network TV series could smoke on-screen?
Anyway
Anyway, in one of my dreams I was tagging along with a bunch of musicians. We were hitting all the downtown bars, looking for venues to play in. In which to play. One bar we went into, turns out I'd been there before, and run up a huge tab that I'd never paid. Not a problem: I settled up on the spot, and shared beers and ciarrettes with the owner, bartender, and musicians. So that was pretty cool.
In another dream, some guy wanted to hire me to do some kind of job for him, but instead I hopped on a train with a dreadbagged stoner hippie british dude and his girlfriend. Assorted dream shenanigans ensued. Highlights included more smoking, and criticizing a commercial landlord for working harder to decorate an office-building lobby than to find tenants for the building.
Shenanigans accomplished, we returned to see the man about the job. The interview was brief:
THE MAN: Tell me about your technique.
ME: Well, mainly I burrow underground, and when the mark leasts expect it, I burst up from beneath his feet and Pow! I take him out.
THE MAN: Excellent! Let me tell you about the mark.
ME: Actually, I have another technique where I tell the mark that the burrowing thing is my main technique, and then Pow! I take him out. You're the mark. Pow!
So that was pretty awsome, too.
In Conclusion
In conclusion, a good night for dreams. Had my first smoking dream(s), settled an outstanding debt, and very cleverly ninja'd the crap out of some dude who totally didn't see it coming.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Impressions
Today I'm adapting a script some other guy wrote, so that we can use it for our own purposes.
I always find it interesting to read other people's computer code. Scripting is a relatively new skillset for me, and there's always a lot I can learn from their approaches to problems.
I was going to say that his script looks pretty tight, overall, but after looking at it some more I've decided that it isn't, really. In fact, in a lot of ways it's really loose. More on that in moment.
He does use comments more liberally than I do, and they really do help me follow along with his train of thought.
On the other hand, he has an annoying tendency to name his variables things like "variable1", and "variable2". Or "value1" and "value2". Or even "variable_first" and "variable_second". This makes it very hard to follow along with his train of thought. Me, I believe that as much as possible, variable names should give some clear indication of what that variable is for. That way, whenever you see it, you know what it's up to.
On the third hand, he used a "case" loop, which I wasn't familiar with before today. It threw me at first. I was going to reach for my reference books, but decided to finish giving the script a once-over before doing any research. Further along, I realized that it was basically just an "if" loop, with the added advantage of being much easier to read. I'm quite comfortable with "if" loops, but I plan to start using "case" loops wherever possible. Anything that makes it easier for me to read and understand my own code is a bonus!
One of the most interesting things is that he has a lot of useless code, mostly commented out, so that it doesn't actually run. Code written with certain assumptions in mind, that later turned out to be untrue in certain environments. Code that has been replaced by temporary workarounds to some vexing problem the original code couldn't handle. A large, complex function--the bulk of his script, in fact--is never called because it has a show-stopping bug in it somewhere.
Me? That would creep me out, having all that dead code in there. One of my friends--an actual professional software developer--tells me that whenever he's adapting someone else's code, he always removes dead code, so that he's left with only the tight, live script that actually does the job.
I always find it interesting to read other people's computer code. Scripting is a relatively new skillset for me, and there's always a lot I can learn from their approaches to problems.
I was going to say that his script looks pretty tight, overall, but after looking at it some more I've decided that it isn't, really. In fact, in a lot of ways it's really loose. More on that in moment.
He does use comments more liberally than I do, and they really do help me follow along with his train of thought.
On the other hand, he has an annoying tendency to name his variables things like "variable1", and "variable2". Or "value1" and "value2". Or even "variable_first" and "variable_second". This makes it very hard to follow along with his train of thought. Me, I believe that as much as possible, variable names should give some clear indication of what that variable is for. That way, whenever you see it, you know what it's up to.
On the third hand, he used a "case" loop, which I wasn't familiar with before today. It threw me at first. I was going to reach for my reference books, but decided to finish giving the script a once-over before doing any research. Further along, I realized that it was basically just an "if" loop, with the added advantage of being much easier to read. I'm quite comfortable with "if" loops, but I plan to start using "case" loops wherever possible. Anything that makes it easier for me to read and understand my own code is a bonus!
One of the most interesting things is that he has a lot of useless code, mostly commented out, so that it doesn't actually run. Code written with certain assumptions in mind, that later turned out to be untrue in certain environments. Code that has been replaced by temporary workarounds to some vexing problem the original code couldn't handle. A large, complex function--the bulk of his script, in fact--is never called because it has a show-stopping bug in it somewhere.
Me? That would creep me out, having all that dead code in there. One of my friends--an actual professional software developer--tells me that whenever he's adapting someone else's code, he always removes dead code, so that he's left with only the tight, live script that actually does the job.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Meet the New Boss
Or, Re-ARGH-inization
Hasturcom just reorganized my... department? Section? I'm not sure what it's called, exactly. It's larger than a team, and smaller than a department, really. Assuming there are even formal sizes that go along with those words.
Anyway, whatever it is, Hasturcom just reorganized it. As far as I can tell, the new org doesn't really improve very much on the old org. They inserted another manager between my boss and his boss. His office unifies several teams that support various aspects of what I like to call Hasturcom's "enterprise e-commerce" operations, but what Hasturcom likes to call "business compute services" (yes, "compute").
They also created another manager at my boss's level, and transferred the database adminstrators on my team to this new manager.
Neither of these org changes make much sense to me. Enterprise e-commerce is, in my experience, very different from what I think of as "IT infrastructure".
IT Infrastructure vs. Enterprise E-Commerce
IT Infrastructure is internal, providing computing resources to the company itself and its employees. Enterprise E-commerce is external, doing business with paying customers. This defining characteristic--"doing business with paying customers"--places very heavy demands on Enterprise E-commerce. Demands that in most cases IT Infrastructure never has to satisfy.
As a result, there is a very different mentality on each side of the divide. IT Infrastructure is typically a nine-to-five, Monday through Friday kind of world. There's not a lot of investment in redundancy. Projects typically have longer timelines, and deadlines can usually be extended without too much complaint. Service outages on the order of a few hours or even a few days are tolerable. Formal "service level agreements", spelling out specific performance metrics and penalties for failure to meet them, are almost never drafted. If the email server dies over the weekend, it might be okay to wait until the tech gets in on Monday to fix it.
Enterprise E-Commerce, on the other hand, is much more. . . intense. Instead of 9-5, M-F, the schedule is 24/7/365. Your customers are online all day, every day, and your robots better be online, too. It's understood that for every server you have doing business, you have a second server running alongside it, just in case the first one breaks. Typically you have a third and fourth as well. You have staff on-site, and on-call, every hour of every day. Any interruption in service is unacceptable, and every incident must be remediated immediately. Projects typically have shorter timelines, and deadlines are very rarely changeable. Services "go live" on schedule, and they work right on Day 1 (and if they don't, the techs stay awake until the problems are solved).
Because of the "business-critical" nature of Enterprise E-Commerce, and because of the different paradigm which that nature requires, I feel very strongly that a company's EEC operations should be entirely segregated from its IT Infrastructure operations. EEC IT teams should be focused on the unique demands of the EEC world. They should be crafting policies and procedures specifically for EEC. Everything from hardware procurement, to system design and implementation, to managing the day-to-day operations should be handled by EEC-oriented teams.
The Hasturcom Way
But that's not how Hasturcom does it. Hasturcom only recently got into the EEC arena. Their "core business" isn't about selling goods and services to customers over the Internet. But the opportunity is there, and there's (potentially) a lot of money to be made by expanding into the EEC market. So Hasturcom recently started setting up computers and networks for this purpose.
At first it was kind of an ad-hoc thing. IT Infrastructure was already providing servers and networks for internal operations--how different could it be to provide the same things for external operations? And for a while, it really wasn't that different, mainly because IT Infrastructure didn't give much thought to how different it really should be.
Once Hasturcom did realize that EEC was very different from IT Infrastructure, they started trying to re-organize their IT department to address these differences. The resulting organization, which had been in effect for about six months when I came on board, was an abomination.
They had split the EEC IT support right down the middle. Resource procurement, system design and implementation, and even production deployments, are all handled by IT Infrastructure teams. Day-to-day maintenance and support is handled by what, in any sane world, would be EEC teams.
However, Hasturcom is not a sane world. There is no real EEC team. In fact, my department is a random assortment of IT teams. Some support Hasturcom's internal operations. Others--mine, for example--support Hasturcom's external operations.
In fact my team is the one which, having been totally out of the loop during the design, implementation, testing, and deployment phases of any new EEC service, must take over responsibility on Day 1 for that service, when it goes live and customers start using it.
Naturally, I've been thinking a reorg is in order since I first got here. If it were up to me, I'd remove IT Infrastructure from the picture entirely. I'd put my team in direct contact with the Hasturcom units that are developing these EEC services, so that we could work with them through all phases of development, and support systems we were intimately familiar with. As things are right now, all that intimate familiarity stays with IT Infrastructure, and doesn't cross the divide when they turn the system over to us.
Coming Full Circle
But that's not what Hasturcom has done with this reorg. Apparently, having realized that something is horribly wrong with the current reorg, they've created another layer of management, and sort of half-heartedly grouped together several disparate teams that are currently supporting EEC operations.
I guess this is a good start? I mean, sure, it's nice to see that Hasturcom is beginning to figure this out, but it doesn't really do anything to address the systemic horror of the current organization.
I figure, any time a company tries to solve an organization problem by adding another layer of middle management, something has gone horribly wrong.
Hasturcom just reorganized my... department? Section? I'm not sure what it's called, exactly. It's larger than a team, and smaller than a department, really. Assuming there are even formal sizes that go along with those words.
Anyway, whatever it is, Hasturcom just reorganized it. As far as I can tell, the new org doesn't really improve very much on the old org. They inserted another manager between my boss and his boss. His office unifies several teams that support various aspects of what I like to call Hasturcom's "enterprise e-commerce" operations, but what Hasturcom likes to call "business compute services" (yes, "compute").
They also created another manager at my boss's level, and transferred the database adminstrators on my team to this new manager.
Neither of these org changes make much sense to me. Enterprise e-commerce is, in my experience, very different from what I think of as "IT infrastructure".
IT Infrastructure vs. Enterprise E-Commerce
IT Infrastructure is internal, providing computing resources to the company itself and its employees. Enterprise E-commerce is external, doing business with paying customers. This defining characteristic--"doing business with paying customers"--places very heavy demands on Enterprise E-commerce. Demands that in most cases IT Infrastructure never has to satisfy.
As a result, there is a very different mentality on each side of the divide. IT Infrastructure is typically a nine-to-five, Monday through Friday kind of world. There's not a lot of investment in redundancy. Projects typically have longer timelines, and deadlines can usually be extended without too much complaint. Service outages on the order of a few hours or even a few days are tolerable. Formal "service level agreements", spelling out specific performance metrics and penalties for failure to meet them, are almost never drafted. If the email server dies over the weekend, it might be okay to wait until the tech gets in on Monday to fix it.
Enterprise E-Commerce, on the other hand, is much more. . . intense. Instead of 9-5, M-F, the schedule is 24/7/365. Your customers are online all day, every day, and your robots better be online, too. It's understood that for every server you have doing business, you have a second server running alongside it, just in case the first one breaks. Typically you have a third and fourth as well. You have staff on-site, and on-call, every hour of every day. Any interruption in service is unacceptable, and every incident must be remediated immediately. Projects typically have shorter timelines, and deadlines are very rarely changeable. Services "go live" on schedule, and they work right on Day 1 (and if they don't, the techs stay awake until the problems are solved).
Because of the "business-critical" nature of Enterprise E-Commerce, and because of the different paradigm which that nature requires, I feel very strongly that a company's EEC operations should be entirely segregated from its IT Infrastructure operations. EEC IT teams should be focused on the unique demands of the EEC world. They should be crafting policies and procedures specifically for EEC. Everything from hardware procurement, to system design and implementation, to managing the day-to-day operations should be handled by EEC-oriented teams.
The Hasturcom Way
But that's not how Hasturcom does it. Hasturcom only recently got into the EEC arena. Their "core business" isn't about selling goods and services to customers over the Internet. But the opportunity is there, and there's (potentially) a lot of money to be made by expanding into the EEC market. So Hasturcom recently started setting up computers and networks for this purpose.
At first it was kind of an ad-hoc thing. IT Infrastructure was already providing servers and networks for internal operations--how different could it be to provide the same things for external operations? And for a while, it really wasn't that different, mainly because IT Infrastructure didn't give much thought to how different it really should be.
Once Hasturcom did realize that EEC was very different from IT Infrastructure, they started trying to re-organize their IT department to address these differences. The resulting organization, which had been in effect for about six months when I came on board, was an abomination.
They had split the EEC IT support right down the middle. Resource procurement, system design and implementation, and even production deployments, are all handled by IT Infrastructure teams. Day-to-day maintenance and support is handled by what, in any sane world, would be EEC teams.
However, Hasturcom is not a sane world. There is no real EEC team. In fact, my department is a random assortment of IT teams. Some support Hasturcom's internal operations. Others--mine, for example--support Hasturcom's external operations.
In fact my team is the one which, having been totally out of the loop during the design, implementation, testing, and deployment phases of any new EEC service, must take over responsibility on Day 1 for that service, when it goes live and customers start using it.
Naturally, I've been thinking a reorg is in order since I first got here. If it were up to me, I'd remove IT Infrastructure from the picture entirely. I'd put my team in direct contact with the Hasturcom units that are developing these EEC services, so that we could work with them through all phases of development, and support systems we were intimately familiar with. As things are right now, all that intimate familiarity stays with IT Infrastructure, and doesn't cross the divide when they turn the system over to us.
Coming Full Circle
But that's not what Hasturcom has done with this reorg. Apparently, having realized that something is horribly wrong with the current reorg, they've created another layer of management, and sort of half-heartedly grouped together several disparate teams that are currently supporting EEC operations.
I guess this is a good start? I mean, sure, it's nice to see that Hasturcom is beginning to figure this out, but it doesn't really do anything to address the systemic horror of the current organization.
I figure, any time a company tries to solve an organization problem by adding another layer of middle management, something has gone horribly wrong.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Information Promiscuity: Addendum
When I talk about information promiscuity in the context of computer networks, I mean things like this
But we'd all rather have the cell phone.
The ONLY reason viruses and worms persist is because of technological inertia in the installed base of software and hardware. If everyone switched to "dumb" browsers and email readers... one huge avenue of vulnerability would be eliminated. We don't do this because we like eye candy trinkets and shiny shit.
... the bottom line is any real or imagined threat from the machines exists only because we allow it to exist out of laziness, convenience and inertia.
Does anyone FORCE you to put mineable data on your cell phone? NO! A standard issue Mk 1 Mod 0 pencil and a little pocket notebook will create a "personal database" that's unminable by any remote software that could ever be created.
But we'd all rather have the cell phone.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Equal Opportunity for Ideas
Or, bringing balance to the Force
In an effort to give my readers (all two of them) a more balanced view of certain controversial topics, I've added two new blogs to my "blogroll".
To balance Climate Audit, The Blackboard, and Watts Up With That, I've added RealClimate and Open Mind.
I hope those interested in the subject will appreciate comparing the positions and arguments of the opposing factions.
Also, if anybody can find a suitable counterpoint to The Corner, please let me know. I'm looking for a blog--mostly boring, often insightful, occasionally funny--that combines social and pop culture commentary with articulation of core progressive principles in the same way The Corner does for conservative principles. If it were a group blog, with all the running debates that implies, that would be even better. I've been on the lookout for such a thing for years, now. But so far, no luck.
In an effort to give my readers (all two of them) a more balanced view of certain controversial topics, I've added two new blogs to my "blogroll".
To balance Climate Audit, The Blackboard, and Watts Up With That, I've added RealClimate and Open Mind.
I hope those interested in the subject will appreciate comparing the positions and arguments of the opposing factions.
Also, if anybody can find a suitable counterpoint to The Corner, please let me know. I'm looking for a blog--mostly boring, often insightful, occasionally funny--that combines social and pop culture commentary with articulation of core progressive principles in the same way The Corner does for conservative principles. If it were a group blog, with all the running debates that implies, that would be even better. I've been on the lookout for such a thing for years, now. But so far, no luck.
Information Promiscuity
Or, The Internet Changes Everything
This has been bugging me for a while, now. Years, actually. For some reason, I have a hard time putting it into words, though. So expect this post to be a little disjointed and incoherent. I hope to return to this idea repeatedly, and refine it over time. So consider this a kind of rough draft or first pass. I'll tune it up in future iterations.
Doctor Strangelove looks creepy. So does the Internet.
Privacy in the information age
This is a frequent topic of discussion on Slashdot. The general consensus of that community is that regardless of how the Internet makes it ever easier to share information, and regardless of how steady advances in computing technology make it easier to mine raw data for useful information, people are fundamentally entitled to absolute privacy. Any use of information technology--especially by the government or corporations--to learn things about people (even non-identifying things) is absolutely unacceptable.
I disagree.
The Internet changes everything
I don't really know how to say it better than this. Information is proliferating faster and faster all the time. Information that was previously hard to get and hard to analyze is now trivially easy to get, and trivially easy to exploit.
I think that earlier notions of privacy, based on the idea that even if you did let something slip, it wouldn't go very far, are completely obsolete. I think that the present generations of people, who were raised in the pre-information paradigm, are woefully inequipped to comprehend and adapt to the profound changes the Internet has wrought.
I think that their children, themselves raised by parents who don't understand this brave new world, are themselves little better off. It's not like their parents can teach them stable strategies for surviving in the information age: Their parents don't know any such strategies. Worse than that, their parents don't even realize that there's a new paradigm that requires new strategies.
I'm not just talking about Internet filtering software, or auditing a child's cell phone logs. There's a whole different mindset, a whole different philosophy, that must be worked out. And I think we're still several generations away from that.
The Neo-Luddites
One thing that frustrates me about the Slashdot community is that for all their enthusiasm for "information technology", its members seem totally unwilling to consider the long-term implications of these technological advances. No thought is given to the possibility that profound social changes are not only necessary, but inevitable. The focus of the community seems to be on how each individual can personally profit from an increasing level of information availability, without ever having to give up any control over their own information.
Even in situatiosn where the information is already out of their control, they object to any attempt by anybody else to mine that information and use it in ways they don't approve of. And yet, at the same time, they insist that it is their fundamental right to exploit other people's information however they see fit. Piracy for me, but not for thee, seems to be their motto.
I think of this mentality--that I should be free to exploit information technology however I like, but governments and corporations must continue to languish in the informational dark ages--as a kind of "neo-luddism": Civilization as a whole must not be changed by new information technology, and must not adapt to it. Even though the notion of privacy and information control as understood by previous generations is obsolete, society should still be bound by its outdated rules.
Cyberwarfare
The fact is, our civilization is increasingly a networked civilization. More and more of our infrastructure is part of an increasingly important, increasingly accessible information network. As this network grows in importance, it will grow in importance as a battlefield. This idea calls for careful consideration and thorough development.
Information Promiscuity
The thing that bugs me the most about all of this is the mismatch between our outdated notions of privacy and information security, and our eagerness to exploit more and more the growing information technology available to us. There seems to be a growing trend to "overshare" ourselves via social networking tools like MySpace and Facebook. We can't help networking our power grid management system, even though we can't effectively secure such networks against intrusion and exploitation. We get so excited about how new technology makes it easier for us to use information that we totally ignore how new technology makes it easier for others to use information against us.
In conclusion--for now
All of this bugs me. A lot. I wish people gave the implications of the information age more thought. I like my privacy. I get a little creeped out every time I see my picture at the top of this blog.
One reason I like the Ghost in the Shell stories so much is because information promiscuity and information security are a constant backdrop and a frequent theme. Masamune Shirow is one of the few people I can go to for the kind of thoughtful, far-reaching discussion of the implications of the information age.
One more thing
Did I mention I just created my own Facebook page?
This has been bugging me for a while, now. Years, actually. For some reason, I have a hard time putting it into words, though. So expect this post to be a little disjointed and incoherent. I hope to return to this idea repeatedly, and refine it over time. So consider this a kind of rough draft or first pass. I'll tune it up in future iterations.
Doctor Strangelove looks creepy. So does the Internet.Privacy in the information age
This is a frequent topic of discussion on Slashdot. The general consensus of that community is that regardless of how the Internet makes it ever easier to share information, and regardless of how steady advances in computing technology make it easier to mine raw data for useful information, people are fundamentally entitled to absolute privacy. Any use of information technology--especially by the government or corporations--to learn things about people (even non-identifying things) is absolutely unacceptable.
I disagree.
The Internet changes everything
I don't really know how to say it better than this. Information is proliferating faster and faster all the time. Information that was previously hard to get and hard to analyze is now trivially easy to get, and trivially easy to exploit.
I think that earlier notions of privacy, based on the idea that even if you did let something slip, it wouldn't go very far, are completely obsolete. I think that the present generations of people, who were raised in the pre-information paradigm, are woefully inequipped to comprehend and adapt to the profound changes the Internet has wrought.
I think that their children, themselves raised by parents who don't understand this brave new world, are themselves little better off. It's not like their parents can teach them stable strategies for surviving in the information age: Their parents don't know any such strategies. Worse than that, their parents don't even realize that there's a new paradigm that requires new strategies.
I'm not just talking about Internet filtering software, or auditing a child's cell phone logs. There's a whole different mindset, a whole different philosophy, that must be worked out. And I think we're still several generations away from that.
The Neo-Luddites
One thing that frustrates me about the Slashdot community is that for all their enthusiasm for "information technology", its members seem totally unwilling to consider the long-term implications of these technological advances. No thought is given to the possibility that profound social changes are not only necessary, but inevitable. The focus of the community seems to be on how each individual can personally profit from an increasing level of information availability, without ever having to give up any control over their own information.
Even in situatiosn where the information is already out of their control, they object to any attempt by anybody else to mine that information and use it in ways they don't approve of. And yet, at the same time, they insist that it is their fundamental right to exploit other people's information however they see fit. Piracy for me, but not for thee, seems to be their motto.
I think of this mentality--that I should be free to exploit information technology however I like, but governments and corporations must continue to languish in the informational dark ages--as a kind of "neo-luddism": Civilization as a whole must not be changed by new information technology, and must not adapt to it. Even though the notion of privacy and information control as understood by previous generations is obsolete, society should still be bound by its outdated rules.
Cyberwarfare
The fact is, our civilization is increasingly a networked civilization. More and more of our infrastructure is part of an increasingly important, increasingly accessible information network. As this network grows in importance, it will grow in importance as a battlefield. This idea calls for careful consideration and thorough development.
Information Promiscuity
The thing that bugs me the most about all of this is the mismatch between our outdated notions of privacy and information security, and our eagerness to exploit more and more the growing information technology available to us. There seems to be a growing trend to "overshare" ourselves via social networking tools like MySpace and Facebook. We can't help networking our power grid management system, even though we can't effectively secure such networks against intrusion and exploitation. We get so excited about how new technology makes it easier for us to use information that we totally ignore how new technology makes it easier for others to use information against us.
In conclusion--for now
All of this bugs me. A lot. I wish people gave the implications of the information age more thought. I like my privacy. I get a little creeped out every time I see my picture at the top of this blog.
One reason I like the Ghost in the Shell stories so much is because information promiscuity and information security are a constant backdrop and a frequent theme. Masamune Shirow is one of the few people I can go to for the kind of thoughtful, far-reaching discussion of the implications of the information age.
One more thing
Did I mention I just created my own Facebook page?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
HasturCom: The Madness Out of Space
Or, The Thing That Should Not Be
Here at HasturCom, different teams do the same thing in different contexts. So there's my team, which specializes in supporting websites for external HasturCom business. There's also another team, identical to mine, which specializes in supporting websites for internal HasturCom.
Now, this arrangement actually makes lots of sense to me, as far as it goes. The problem arises because it goes a lot farther than that, and not in any kind of good or wholesome direction.
Both these teams are organized under the same department head. All of this department's "customers"--HasturCom employees who are responsible for taking care of HasturCom's business--submit their website support requests to this department.
Ideally, they'd submit their request to the appropriate team within the department: To the External team for external business, and to the Internal team for internal business. But in fact our department does not communicate these kinds of fine distinctions to our customers. So our customers just submit their requests to both teams.
The next step, then, is for whichever team is responsible for fulfilling the request to proactively respond to the customer, take ownership of the request, and carry out the appropriate fulfilment tasks. But this never happens. Internal requests will sit in the joint team queue until somebody from the Internal team gets around to responding to it.
Or until my supervisor decides that it's a perfect opportunity for the External team to go "above and beyond", and volunteers us for the work. This sucks.
A dude whose supervisor is worse than mine
What sucks even more, though, is that my teammates get antsy when they see these Internal requests in the queue, because they know that if the Internal team doesn't get on them soon, our supervisor will assign them to us. And we don't want this.
So when my teammates get antsy, the often tag me, as the New Guy, to make sure that the Internal team takes charge of the request. This also sucks. Imagine you're at your place of work, large and in charge, maxing and relaxing. All of a sudden, some other dude, who is totally not the boss of you, gets all up in your email inbox, all like "dude, you're responsible for this, get on it", and "somebody other than me needs to do some work around here". That dude, the one all up in your email inbox? He's kind of a jerk. I don't want to be that dude.
I mean, I'm really polite and business-formal about it and all. But still. Running around telling other people to do their jobs, however politely, is not my idea of Fun Times. It'd be different if I was the boss of them. Then I'd totally revel in my power, and rule with an iron fist over my loyal subjects. But the Internal team is not my loyal subjects, and I have no power over them. I just end up having to be a jerk to them anyway.
And it gets worse. The real madness here is that even within our own department, it's not always clear which team is responsible for what request. There is no consistent nomenclature. Even my teammates, who have been here twice as long as me or longer, don't always know if "shoggoth01" is an Internal or External server, or if "Shambling Horror" refers to an Internal or External project.
The madness reaches epic levels when our customer actually does know to which team he should forward his request:
CUSTOMER: Internal Team, please modify the webserver on shoggoth01, to support the Shambling Horror project.
INTERNAL TEAM: External Team, we think "Shambling Horror" might be your area of responsibility. Can you take this on?
Note here that the Internal Team apparently has no qualms about being jerks all up in my email inbox.
MY TEAMMATE: Container, please find out who is responsible for this request.
ME: Well, if shoggoth01 is an Internal server, and Shambling Horror is an internal project, it should be the Internal Team's responsibility, right? I'll ask them.
MY TEAMMATE: In fact, it is the Internal Team's responsibility. I've told them to take care of it.
ME: . . .
And then I lose 12 SAN.
Here at HasturCom, different teams do the same thing in different contexts. So there's my team, which specializes in supporting websites for external HasturCom business. There's also another team, identical to mine, which specializes in supporting websites for internal HasturCom.
Now, this arrangement actually makes lots of sense to me, as far as it goes. The problem arises because it goes a lot farther than that, and not in any kind of good or wholesome direction.
Both these teams are organized under the same department head. All of this department's "customers"--HasturCom employees who are responsible for taking care of HasturCom's business--submit their website support requests to this department.
Ideally, they'd submit their request to the appropriate team within the department: To the External team for external business, and to the Internal team for internal business. But in fact our department does not communicate these kinds of fine distinctions to our customers. So our customers just submit their requests to both teams.
The next step, then, is for whichever team is responsible for fulfilling the request to proactively respond to the customer, take ownership of the request, and carry out the appropriate fulfilment tasks. But this never happens. Internal requests will sit in the joint team queue until somebody from the Internal team gets around to responding to it.
Or until my supervisor decides that it's a perfect opportunity for the External team to go "above and beyond", and volunteers us for the work. This sucks.
A dude whose supervisor is worse than mineWhat sucks even more, though, is that my teammates get antsy when they see these Internal requests in the queue, because they know that if the Internal team doesn't get on them soon, our supervisor will assign them to us. And we don't want this.
So when my teammates get antsy, the often tag me, as the New Guy, to make sure that the Internal team takes charge of the request. This also sucks. Imagine you're at your place of work, large and in charge, maxing and relaxing. All of a sudden, some other dude, who is totally not the boss of you, gets all up in your email inbox, all like "dude, you're responsible for this, get on it", and "somebody other than me needs to do some work around here". That dude, the one all up in your email inbox? He's kind of a jerk. I don't want to be that dude.
I mean, I'm really polite and business-formal about it and all. But still. Running around telling other people to do their jobs, however politely, is not my idea of Fun Times. It'd be different if I was the boss of them. Then I'd totally revel in my power, and rule with an iron fist over my loyal subjects. But the Internal team is not my loyal subjects, and I have no power over them. I just end up having to be a jerk to them anyway.
And it gets worse. The real madness here is that even within our own department, it's not always clear which team is responsible for what request. There is no consistent nomenclature. Even my teammates, who have been here twice as long as me or longer, don't always know if "shoggoth01" is an Internal or External server, or if "Shambling Horror" refers to an Internal or External project.
The madness reaches epic levels when our customer actually does know to which team he should forward his request:
CUSTOMER: Internal Team, please modify the webserver on shoggoth01, to support the Shambling Horror project.
INTERNAL TEAM: External Team, we think "Shambling Horror" might be your area of responsibility. Can you take this on?
Note here that the Internal Team apparently has no qualms about being jerks all up in my email inbox.
MY TEAMMATE: Container, please find out who is responsible for this request.
ME: Well, if shoggoth01 is an Internal server, and Shambling Horror is an internal project, it should be the Internal Team's responsibility, right? I'll ask them.
MY TEAMMATE: In fact, it is the Internal Team's responsibility. I've told them to take care of it.
ME: . . .
And then I lose 12 SAN.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Flawless Victory
Or, I Love it When a Plan Comes Together
Today I had an opportunity to test a script I'd written a few months ago. There was a major server failure here at Hasturcom, and we needed to shut down all of the applications that communicate with the failed server.
Before I wrote this script, shutting down these apps was a tedious, error-prone manual process. Thus the script: the concept was, a few quick keystrokes, and Pow! A robot does the grunt work.
Anyway, today was the first opportunity to actually test the script, on a large scale, against a live production environment. And I'm pleased to report that it worked flawlessly.
It's the most complicated script I've written in my (admittedly brief) scripting career, so I'm pretty proud of it--especially because it works.
Today I had an opportunity to test a script I'd written a few months ago. There was a major server failure here at Hasturcom, and we needed to shut down all of the applications that communicate with the failed server.
Before I wrote this script, shutting down these apps was a tedious, error-prone manual process. Thus the script: the concept was, a few quick keystrokes, and Pow! A robot does the grunt work.
Anyway, today was the first opportunity to actually test the script, on a large scale, against a live production environment. And I'm pleased to report that it worked flawlessly.
It's the most complicated script I've written in my (admittedly brief) scripting career, so I'm pretty proud of it--especially because it works.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Eco-Tourism
Or, Irrational Exuberance
Apparently the state of Florida is considering opening up some offshore oil and natural gas fields in the Gulf of Mexico. Historically, exploitation of these fields has been prohibited, for fear that an oil spill would mar Floridian beaches and harm Florida's valuable tourism industry.
Whatever. But it did get me thinking: Disasters require relief, right? I mean, this news article about Florida oil vs. Florida beaches? It made a big deal about the size and duration of the cleanup efforts after the last big oil spill on the Florida coast.
So I'm thinking, a big oil spill like that, you're gonna need a lot of volunteers. Sure, you're gonna need some trained professionals, too. But sooner or later, you're gonna need to bus in a couple hundred enthusiastic amateurs, give them a half-day seminar on entry-level oil cleanup operations, and put them to work.
So why not make it a tourist attraction? There's gotta be plenty of people out there who wouldn't mind paying a little money to Save the Planet. You set up a trailer park campsite, cater three hot meals a day, and charge a reasonable fee to house eco-tourists for the duration of the cleanup efforts.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "two weeks cleaning up an oil spill doesn't sound like much of a vacation to me". But I'm telling you, that's where you're wrong.
In other news
While I'm on such an awsome roll of awsome ideas, how about this? Instead of canceling Civilization every time it endangers some species or other (Sacramento Delta Smelt, I'm looking at you), why not just make a genetic record and move on?
Then, in a hundred years or so, when it turns out we really did need that species after all, we can clone it from our genetic library, and restore it in all its original humanity-serving glory. What do you think?
Apparently the state of Florida is considering opening up some offshore oil and natural gas fields in the Gulf of Mexico. Historically, exploitation of these fields has been prohibited, for fear that an oil spill would mar Floridian beaches and harm Florida's valuable tourism industry.
Whatever. But it did get me thinking: Disasters require relief, right? I mean, this news article about Florida oil vs. Florida beaches? It made a big deal about the size and duration of the cleanup efforts after the last big oil spill on the Florida coast.
So I'm thinking, a big oil spill like that, you're gonna need a lot of volunteers. Sure, you're gonna need some trained professionals, too. But sooner or later, you're gonna need to bus in a couple hundred enthusiastic amateurs, give them a half-day seminar on entry-level oil cleanup operations, and put them to work.
So why not make it a tourist attraction? There's gotta be plenty of people out there who wouldn't mind paying a little money to Save the Planet. You set up a trailer park campsite, cater three hot meals a day, and charge a reasonable fee to house eco-tourists for the duration of the cleanup efforts.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "two weeks cleaning up an oil spill doesn't sound like much of a vacation to me". But I'm telling you, that's where you're wrong.
In other news
While I'm on such an awsome roll of awsome ideas, how about this? Instead of canceling Civilization every time it endangers some species or other (Sacramento Delta Smelt, I'm looking at you), why not just make a genetic record and move on?
Then, in a hundred years or so, when it turns out we really did need that species after all, we can clone it from our genetic library, and restore it in all its original humanity-serving glory. What do you think?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Can't... Stop... Blogging... About it.
Another conversation that really happened.
THE RADIO: Some people are saying Michael Jackson isn't really dead.
ALSO THE RADIO: I don't think the LA County Coroner would go along with a scam like that.
ME: Yeah, but how would he even know if he had the real Michael Jackson or not?
In other news: They say the estate of John Merrick is looking to buy Michael Jackson's bones.
THE RADIO: Some people are saying Michael Jackson isn't really dead.
ALSO THE RADIO: I don't think the LA County Coroner would go along with a scam like that.
ME: Yeah, but how would he even know if he had the real Michael Jackson or not?
In other news: They say the estate of John Merrick is looking to buy Michael Jackson's bones.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Speaking of Zombies...
Or, Good news, bad news
The thing is, I'm a curmudgeon. A contrarian. If not a crank, I am at the very least cranky. So, while I admire Michael Jackson's artistic talent, I'm not really what you'd call a "fan" of the King of Pop. And I've always been more than a little creeped out by his body modification issues and the whole... thing. With the kids. It's just creepy.
But that's not the point. The point is, the moment I heard the news of his death yesterday, I was already sick and tired of the wall-to-wall Michael Jackson love-fest. Good riddance, I thought, and moved on.
"Unless they play 'Thriller'", I'd say to Mrs. C. whenever the radio programs would start in on yet another Michael Jackson story, "I'm not interested."
The Good News
Finally, after almost a day of hearing all about Michael Jackson, and hearing just about every one of his songs except 'Thriller', I finally heard it today, while I was out getting some lunch. Yay Vincent Price!
The Bad News
Now I have the song stuck in my head.
Bonus: My favorite conservative makes all the points I'd like to make, only better.
The thing is, I'm a curmudgeon. A contrarian. If not a crank, I am at the very least cranky. So, while I admire Michael Jackson's artistic talent, I'm not really what you'd call a "fan" of the King of Pop. And I've always been more than a little creeped out by his body modification issues and the whole... thing. With the kids. It's just creepy.
But that's not the point. The point is, the moment I heard the news of his death yesterday, I was already sick and tired of the wall-to-wall Michael Jackson love-fest. Good riddance, I thought, and moved on.
"Unless they play 'Thriller'", I'd say to Mrs. C. whenever the radio programs would start in on yet another Michael Jackson story, "I'm not interested."
The Good News
Finally, after almost a day of hearing all about Michael Jackson, and hearing just about every one of his songs except 'Thriller', I finally heard it today, while I was out getting some lunch. Yay Vincent Price!
The Bad News
Now I have the song stuck in my head.
Bonus: My favorite conservative makes all the points I'd like to make, only better.
Monday, June 22, 2009
You Know What Zombie Movie Hasn't Been Made Yet?
Or, Fund it.
Okay, so question: What about good zombies?
The dead have risen from their unquiet graves, and walk the Earth. Their bite is infectious, and soon the world is overrun by shambolic, abominable, hungry dead. They infest our suburbs, our shopping malls, our military bases.
In short, your typical everyday Zombie Apocalypse. So far, so good. But we've seen this a million times before. What about good zombies?
What if, on that horrible day, every soldier buried in Arlington National Cemetary rose from their grave... and formed up to defend the nation's capital from the ravening hordes? Zombie George Washington. Zombie U.S. Grant. Zombie William Tecumseh Sherman, commandeering a vintage Sherman Tank from the nearest war museum.
Zombie Robert E. Lee: "In life I fought for the Confederacy, but in death I fight for America!"
FUND IT.
Okay, so question: What about good zombies?
The dead have risen from their unquiet graves, and walk the Earth. Their bite is infectious, and soon the world is overrun by shambolic, abominable, hungry dead. They infest our suburbs, our shopping malls, our military bases.
In short, your typical everyday Zombie Apocalypse. So far, so good. But we've seen this a million times before. What about good zombies?
What if, on that horrible day, every soldier buried in Arlington National Cemetary rose from their grave... and formed up to defend the nation's capital from the ravening hordes? Zombie George Washington. Zombie U.S. Grant. Zombie William Tecumseh Sherman, commandeering a vintage Sherman Tank from the nearest war museum.
Zombie Robert E. Lee: "In life I fought for the Confederacy, but in death I fight for America!"
FUND IT.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Kindness to Robots
Or, stuff I'm pretty sure nobody else thinks about.
So there's a drink-dispensing machine at work. Unlike the typical machine, this one has a special claw on a robotic apparatus, that moves across the face of the machine, picks a can or bottle out of the appropriate slot, and carries it down to the dispensing door.
Since this machine a) has bottled water, and b) its contents are 100% subsidized by HasturCom, I visit it two or three times a day.
And each time, I try to select the slot that will require the least work from the robot--minimize its travel distance, basically. I tell myself this is to save my valuable time. But really, I know that it's also because I like being nice to the robot.
So there's a drink-dispensing machine at work. Unlike the typical machine, this one has a special claw on a robotic apparatus, that moves across the face of the machine, picks a can or bottle out of the appropriate slot, and carries it down to the dispensing door.
Since this machine a) has bottled water, and b) its contents are 100% subsidized by HasturCom, I visit it two or three times a day.
And each time, I try to select the slot that will require the least work from the robot--minimize its travel distance, basically. I tell myself this is to save my valuable time. But really, I know that it's also because I like being nice to the robot.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Living In The Past
With Apologies to Jethro Tull
Really, 2009?
Really?
So I'm running this report. Apparently I applied for a job as a Systems Administrator, and they gave me a job as an Administrative Assistant. But that's not the point.
The point is, this report will only run straight into a browser, as HTML. There are no other options to save it in any other format. In 2009.
I'm pretty sure this is the future--many Gibsons into the future, at least. And I'm pretty sure that the modern robots of today are perfectly capable of generating files in multiple formats.
Today I am very disappointed in the architects of tomorrow.
Really, 2009?
Really?
So I'm running this report. Apparently I applied for a job as a Systems Administrator, and they gave me a job as an Administrative Assistant. But that's not the point.
The point is, this report will only run straight into a browser, as HTML. There are no other options to save it in any other format. In 2009.
I'm pretty sure this is the future--many Gibsons into the future, at least. And I'm pretty sure that the modern robots of today are perfectly capable of generating files in multiple formats.
Today I am very disappointed in the architects of tomorrow.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Minority Report
Or, Why can't a woman... be more like a man?
I have three friends whose judgement I trust. Let's call them Castor, Pollux, and Hermes.
Recently I found reason to update my resume. For a pleasant change of pace, I decided to shorten it considerably--down to one page, in fact. I thought this produced a snappier, more direct document that would favorably impress hiring managers. When I was done, I sent it to my three friends.
Castor and Pollux both liked the new, shorter resume. Hermes, as is often the case, responded with a rundown of all the problems he saw in it. I mean, he wasn't a complete jerk about it: He opened by complimenting me on the valiant attempt. But then he got right down to the business of tearing it apart.
Whatever. I liked the new resume, and the majority report agreed with me. So I published it to all the usual suspects. About a week later, I got a call from a recruiter. "You're a perfect match for this position," he said. "But... do you have a different resume? Maybe something longer and more detailed?" He then proceeded to repeat Hermes' list of concerns, point-for-point. Almost word-for-word.
Anyway, I figured if my resume is putting up red flags for recruiters, it damn well better be putting up red flags for me. I promptly re-wrote it in a longer, more detailed form, and sent it to the recruiter. He called me back about ten minutes later to congratulate me.
We'll see if it pays off.
Why can't a woman... be more like a man?
In other news, the other day I caught a bit of discussion on one of the local morning radio talk shows. The topic was "how do I tell my girlfriend she puts on too much makeup when we go out on dates?" The consensus of the panelists (3 men, 2 women), was that there was essentially no acceptable way to do this. No matter how you play it, you look like an insensitive, insulting jerk.
Which-all reminded me of Hermes' response to my resume. Bro to bro, he doesn't spend a lot of time trying to spare my feelings. Don't get me wrong: Hermes is a very thoughtful and considerate dude. But when it comes to solving problems, he likes to get right down to cases. And I don't hold it against him. It's not like he's running around saying "you're a stupid doody head who can't resume their way out of a wet paper bag", and such like that. Not at all. He's just all like, "there a problem? Yo, I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it."
The way I figure, men and women are complimentary, not contradictory. Men--at least the ones I know--like to skip the pleasantries and get right down to problem-solving. I figure, that's something women don't really appreciate as much as I'd like. There's a lot of emphasis in our society on men getting in touch with their feminine side, and learning how to communicate in woman-language so that women will hear them instead of hating them. To me, it really seems like that should be a two-way street.
Epilogue
Mrs. C. and I have evolved a pretty strong relationship over the years. One big reason is that she has relentlessly conditioned me to humor her moods and respond to her in the idiom of her choosing (i.e., more empathy, less problem-solving).
But the other big reason is that early on we agreed upon a simple rule of thumb: Whenever I say something, and it could be interpreted more than one way, and one of those ways makes me seem like a hateful, inconsiderate jerk? I meant it the other way.
As a result, the only thing we really fight about these days is how I always steal all the covers during the night. At least in my sleep I'm still my own man.
I have three friends whose judgement I trust. Let's call them Castor, Pollux, and Hermes.
Recently I found reason to update my resume. For a pleasant change of pace, I decided to shorten it considerably--down to one page, in fact. I thought this produced a snappier, more direct document that would favorably impress hiring managers. When I was done, I sent it to my three friends.
Castor and Pollux both liked the new, shorter resume. Hermes, as is often the case, responded with a rundown of all the problems he saw in it. I mean, he wasn't a complete jerk about it: He opened by complimenting me on the valiant attempt. But then he got right down to the business of tearing it apart.
Whatever. I liked the new resume, and the majority report agreed with me. So I published it to all the usual suspects. About a week later, I got a call from a recruiter. "You're a perfect match for this position," he said. "But... do you have a different resume? Maybe something longer and more detailed?" He then proceeded to repeat Hermes' list of concerns, point-for-point. Almost word-for-word.
Anyway, I figured if my resume is putting up red flags for recruiters, it damn well better be putting up red flags for me. I promptly re-wrote it in a longer, more detailed form, and sent it to the recruiter. He called me back about ten minutes later to congratulate me.
We'll see if it pays off.
Why can't a woman... be more like a man?
In other news, the other day I caught a bit of discussion on one of the local morning radio talk shows. The topic was "how do I tell my girlfriend she puts on too much makeup when we go out on dates?" The consensus of the panelists (3 men, 2 women), was that there was essentially no acceptable way to do this. No matter how you play it, you look like an insensitive, insulting jerk.
Which-all reminded me of Hermes' response to my resume. Bro to bro, he doesn't spend a lot of time trying to spare my feelings. Don't get me wrong: Hermes is a very thoughtful and considerate dude. But when it comes to solving problems, he likes to get right down to cases. And I don't hold it against him. It's not like he's running around saying "you're a stupid doody head who can't resume their way out of a wet paper bag", and such like that. Not at all. He's just all like, "there a problem? Yo, I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it."
The way I figure, men and women are complimentary, not contradictory. Men--at least the ones I know--like to skip the pleasantries and get right down to problem-solving. I figure, that's something women don't really appreciate as much as I'd like. There's a lot of emphasis in our society on men getting in touch with their feminine side, and learning how to communicate in woman-language so that women will hear them instead of hating them. To me, it really seems like that should be a two-way street.
Epilogue
Mrs. C. and I have evolved a pretty strong relationship over the years. One big reason is that she has relentlessly conditioned me to humor her moods and respond to her in the idiom of her choosing (i.e., more empathy, less problem-solving).
But the other big reason is that early on we agreed upon a simple rule of thumb: Whenever I say something, and it could be interpreted more than one way, and one of those ways makes me seem like a hateful, inconsiderate jerk? I meant it the other way.
As a result, the only thing we really fight about these days is how I always steal all the covers during the night. At least in my sleep I'm still my own man.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Suspicious Rook Is Suspicious
Or, "Rooks have a remarkable aptitude for using tools, scientists have found."
Image thanks to the BBC.Being open about our interest in crows has begun to pay off. Whenever our family and friends see anything corvid-related, they think of us. Even better: they buy it, or take a picture of it, or make a note of it, and send it to us.
Thus this article I just received from my dad, about tool use among ravens in captivity. Apparently they don't use tools in the wild, but in the lab, they're more creative than we thought:
Tests on captive birds revealed that they could craft and employ tools to solve a number of different problems.
The findings, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, came as a surprise as rooks do not use tools in the wild.
Despite this, the UK team said the birds' skills rivalled those of well-known tool users such as chimpanzees and New Caledonian crows.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Arcology
So I'm halfway through an obscure French movie with the unfortunate title "Eden Log". Weirdly, even though I'm like 99.999% sure (yes, five nines) that it's a French movie, all the dialogue is in English.
Anyway, I'm enjoying it for a few different reasons.
For one, it's a kind of "vision quest" narrative. The protagonist starts out deep in the earth, in total darkness, naked, hideously disfigured (what little we can see of him) and capable only of meaningless jerkings and incoherent grunts. As the story unfolds, we follow him towards the surface. The darkness gradually recedes before increasing amounts of light. His movements become more coordinated, purposeful. His disfigurements turn out to be caked mud, which he washes off. He clothes himself. He begins to speak intelligible words, complete sentences. A little bit at a time, he learns more and more about the world he's been "born" into.
I find this narrative arc fascinating, especially if the story is well-told. This movie seems to be doing a pretty good job of it, slowly but steadily incrementing the changes, the "growth" of the character. I am enjoying the way they keep improving the lighting on the set, and adding new props, and the way the script conveys the idea of growth.
Speaking of growth, the third reason I'm enjoying this movie is that it seems to be about some kind of arcology. An arcology modeled after a tree, both in design and in philosophy. And I think that arcologies are pretty neat, at least in theory. So any halfway-decent story set in an arcology, or about an arcology, gets my attention.
Anyway, I'm enjoying it for a few different reasons.
For one, it's a kind of "vision quest" narrative. The protagonist starts out deep in the earth, in total darkness, naked, hideously disfigured (what little we can see of him) and capable only of meaningless jerkings and incoherent grunts. As the story unfolds, we follow him towards the surface. The darkness gradually recedes before increasing amounts of light. His movements become more coordinated, purposeful. His disfigurements turn out to be caked mud, which he washes off. He clothes himself. He begins to speak intelligible words, complete sentences. A little bit at a time, he learns more and more about the world he's been "born" into.
I find this narrative arc fascinating, especially if the story is well-told. This movie seems to be doing a pretty good job of it, slowly but steadily incrementing the changes, the "growth" of the character. I am enjoying the way they keep improving the lighting on the set, and adding new props, and the way the script conveys the idea of growth.
Speaking of growth, the third reason I'm enjoying this movie is that it seems to be about some kind of arcology. An arcology modeled after a tree, both in design and in philosophy. And I think that arcologies are pretty neat, at least in theory. So any halfway-decent story set in an arcology, or about an arcology, gets my attention.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
An Unexpected Twist
So Netflix sent me a movie the other day.
I start reading the sleeve, and it turns out this movie has a plot.
Needless to say, I was disappointed. It was my understanding that the whole point of this movie was that there was no plot. Just a single, awsome, undeniable premise.
A premise so awsomely undeniable, that no plot was necessary.
A premise so undeniably awsome, that any attempt at narrative justification would just chump it up.
That was my understanding. As it turns out, however, there's a plot:
Who knew? And why bother?
I start reading the sleeve, and it turns out this movie has a plot.
Needless to say, I was disappointed. It was my understanding that the whole point of this movie was that there was no plot. Just a single, awsome, undeniable premise.
A premise so awsomely undeniable, that no plot was necessary.
A premise so undeniably awsome, that any attempt at narrative justification would just chump it up.
That was my understanding. As it turns out, however, there's a plot:
FBI agents Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) and Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) are tasked with escorting a witness, ex-mobster John Saunders (Mark Houghton), to a high-profile trial and to keep him safe from those who would do him harm. As the film's title suggests, however, an onboard assassin determined to rid the G-men of their precious cargo unleashes a crate full of venomous snakes in this taut airborne thriller.That's right. A plot.
Who knew? And why bother?
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Meeting: Stream of Consciousness
Or, maybe I should pay more attention...
Another day, another boring meeting... Haha, people have the funniest wallpapers... I don't care about this meeting at all... Time to catch up on some paperwork... Or catch up on my blogroll... Whatever... Wait, what? Is this guy apologizing to me? Why? Oh. He's apologizing for wasting my time? No, it's okay, I know how to keep myself busy... Oh, there's a story? He's been taking some management classes... He's learned to value my time better... So now he's wasting my time telling me all of this... That's it, I'm clearing my calendar. No more meetings!
Another day, another boring meeting... Haha, people have the funniest wallpapers... I don't care about this meeting at all... Time to catch up on some paperwork... Or catch up on my blogroll... Whatever... Wait, what? Is this guy apologizing to me? Why? Oh. He's apologizing for wasting my time? No, it's okay, I know how to keep myself busy... Oh, there's a story? He's been taking some management classes... He's learned to value my time better... So now he's wasting my time telling me all of this... That's it, I'm clearing my calendar. No more meetings!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Wheel Of Robbery, Turn Turn Turn
Or, Garage Sales Are Awsome
So we had a garage sale this weekend.
MRS. C: You know this means we're officially homeowners, now.
ME: All those mortgage payments we've been making didn't count?
MRS. C: Nope!
I put this in just to show that I'm not the only one around here who likes to take a ride on the wackytown express.
Anyway, garage sales are awsome. I had no idea. And the best part? We now have enough space in the garage to park the car!
Along the way, I learned a bunch of interesting stuff.
Stuff I learned about garage sales
First, I learned that the thing about a garage sale? You're selling junk. Seriously. Junk. If it weren't junk, you'd be keeping it. Or you'd be selling it on Ebay for more than it's going to cost you to post the item, set up the auction, pack up the item, take it down to the shipping store, and send it off to the buyer.
If you're putting out on a tarp on your lawn in the hopes that some random passerby is going to throw a couple dollars at you, it's junk.
There are a couple implications that arise from this. One is, any price is a good price. If you mark it as "one dollar", and somebody waves it in your face and asks "fifty cents?", the correct answer is "sure!"
A couple months ago we drove past a garage sale, and I saw an Aeron chair. I sat in an Aeron chair once, back during the dot-com boom. But that's a different story. The point is, they are awsome. They are expensive, and they are worth it. So I made Mrs. C stop the car, and I looked at the chair. They had it marked "$120"--an incredibly good deal. But I got clever. I asked the guy, "how about $80 for the chair?" And he agreed without batting an eyelash. At the time I thought I was the King of All Hagglers. But now I know better. He already had all the Aeron chairs he needed. As far as he was concerned, that one was junk.
Right. So. You have all this junk. You want to get rid of it. People come by, offer to pay you money to take away your junk. This is awsome. You don't want to ruin it by trying to get your money's worth. You've already squeezed all the money's worth you can get from that thing. Anything you make now is pure profit.
So we got rid of a bunch of junk this way. A crappy entertainment center, that we'd inherited from the previous tenants at a rental several years ago, and had been carting around with us ever since. A hideous dining room table, that Mrs. C has always hated with the passion of a thousand suns.
Passionate suns.
I have a theory about how people buy stuff at a garage sale. I figure, when a person goes to a store, they already have something in mind. They go to that store to buy that thing, at the store's listed price. But when people go to a garage sale, there's no telling what they'll find. They don't really have anything in mind at all, that they want to buy. So if something catches their eye, they're only going to buy it if they like the price. If they don't like the price, so what? Two minutes ago, they had no intention of buying it anyway. So if your goal is to get rid of junk (and it is), it's really important to agree to whatever price they propose.
You have a truck with you, and you'll take this horrible entertainment center away right now? Great! And you'll give me fifty dollars, too? Even better!
More stuff I learned
Another thing I learned is that people will buy the craziest things at garage sales. Pulp Fiction. On VHS. Microsoft Office. For Windows 95. The Twilight novels. Seriously. A single ugly curtain panel from a set of six ugly curtain panels.
Mrs. C did some research online, "how to hold a garage sale", like that. We learned it's a good idea to put out a cooler full of cold beverages, and sell them for 50 cents each. That's a huge profit margin, and in the Southern California sun we made bank on Coke, Fresca, and bottled water.
Wheel of Robbery
Finally, I learned that people will steal stuff from garage sales. Hearken to my freakish tale of human nature!
So these two ladies are wandering through our junkocracy, accumulating a bunch of junk that I assume they're going to buy. One of these ladies has some horrible little tchotchke tucked up under her arm. Why anybody on earth would want to buy it, I don't know. I'm not even sure why we bought it. When Mrs. C added it to the sale, I was pleased. When I saw that this woman was going to pay me for it, I was ecstatic.
Anyway, after a little while, these two ladies come up to me. The one with the horrible tchotchke under her arm holds out a stack of old clothes she wants to buy. I guesstimate the number of items in the stack, make up some hilariously low price (I find simple math tiresome, so actually counting the items and adding up the prices in fifty-cent increments was sooo not going to happen). I gesture towards the tchotchke, and I'm about to ask if she wants to buy that, too, when her friend cuts me off.
Actually, her friend cuts right in front of her, grabs a digital alarm clock off the table next to me, and asks me how much it is. I'm a little surprised to see this alarm clock, since we'd recently replaced it on account of its snooze button being broken.
Here at Chez Container, an alarm clock without a snooze button is unacceptable.
So I'm a little taken aback. I'm not sure it's really ethical to put broken stuff up for sale. On the other hand, we do have a sign that says "all sales are final" (another thing Mrs. C learned from her research). And she is offering to pay me money to take away my junk. "It doesn't work very well," says Mrs. C, helpfully. And that cinches it. I name a price, the lady pays it, and the two of them walk off.
About a minute later, I remember the horrible tchotchke. That lady totally walked off without paying for it! And I'm pretty sure her friend played interference for her, distracting me when I was about to mention it.
For a brief instant, I was annoyed. I'd been ripped off! Crime! Thievery! Buncha savages in this town!
But then I realized something: I was relieved. It was junk, and it was gone. Of all the things you could possibly steal from me, something I should never have had in the first place, and was trying to get rid of anyway? Good riddance. You're doing me a favor, lady.
Plus, your friend just paid me good money for a broken alarm clock. The Wheel of Robbery? In your face.
So we had a garage sale this weekend.
MRS. C: You know this means we're officially homeowners, now.
ME: All those mortgage payments we've been making didn't count?
MRS. C: Nope!
I put this in just to show that I'm not the only one around here who likes to take a ride on the wackytown express.
Anyway, garage sales are awsome. I had no idea. And the best part? We now have enough space in the garage to park the car!
Along the way, I learned a bunch of interesting stuff.
Stuff I learned about garage sales
First, I learned that the thing about a garage sale? You're selling junk. Seriously. Junk. If it weren't junk, you'd be keeping it. Or you'd be selling it on Ebay for more than it's going to cost you to post the item, set up the auction, pack up the item, take it down to the shipping store, and send it off to the buyer.
If you're putting out on a tarp on your lawn in the hopes that some random passerby is going to throw a couple dollars at you, it's junk.
There are a couple implications that arise from this. One is, any price is a good price. If you mark it as "one dollar", and somebody waves it in your face and asks "fifty cents?", the correct answer is "sure!"
A couple months ago we drove past a garage sale, and I saw an Aeron chair. I sat in an Aeron chair once, back during the dot-com boom. But that's a different story. The point is, they are awsome. They are expensive, and they are worth it. So I made Mrs. C stop the car, and I looked at the chair. They had it marked "$120"--an incredibly good deal. But I got clever. I asked the guy, "how about $80 for the chair?" And he agreed without batting an eyelash. At the time I thought I was the King of All Hagglers. But now I know better. He already had all the Aeron chairs he needed. As far as he was concerned, that one was junk.
Right. So. You have all this junk. You want to get rid of it. People come by, offer to pay you money to take away your junk. This is awsome. You don't want to ruin it by trying to get your money's worth. You've already squeezed all the money's worth you can get from that thing. Anything you make now is pure profit.
So we got rid of a bunch of junk this way. A crappy entertainment center, that we'd inherited from the previous tenants at a rental several years ago, and had been carting around with us ever since. A hideous dining room table, that Mrs. C has always hated with the passion of a thousand suns.
Passionate suns.
I have a theory about how people buy stuff at a garage sale. I figure, when a person goes to a store, they already have something in mind. They go to that store to buy that thing, at the store's listed price. But when people go to a garage sale, there's no telling what they'll find. They don't really have anything in mind at all, that they want to buy. So if something catches their eye, they're only going to buy it if they like the price. If they don't like the price, so what? Two minutes ago, they had no intention of buying it anyway. So if your goal is to get rid of junk (and it is), it's really important to agree to whatever price they propose.
You have a truck with you, and you'll take this horrible entertainment center away right now? Great! And you'll give me fifty dollars, too? Even better!
More stuff I learned
Another thing I learned is that people will buy the craziest things at garage sales. Pulp Fiction. On VHS. Microsoft Office. For Windows 95. The Twilight novels. Seriously. A single ugly curtain panel from a set of six ugly curtain panels.
Mrs. C did some research online, "how to hold a garage sale", like that. We learned it's a good idea to put out a cooler full of cold beverages, and sell them for 50 cents each. That's a huge profit margin, and in the Southern California sun we made bank on Coke, Fresca, and bottled water.
Wheel of Robbery
Finally, I learned that people will steal stuff from garage sales. Hearken to my freakish tale of human nature!
So these two ladies are wandering through our junkocracy, accumulating a bunch of junk that I assume they're going to buy. One of these ladies has some horrible little tchotchke tucked up under her arm. Why anybody on earth would want to buy it, I don't know. I'm not even sure why we bought it. When Mrs. C added it to the sale, I was pleased. When I saw that this woman was going to pay me for it, I was ecstatic.
Anyway, after a little while, these two ladies come up to me. The one with the horrible tchotchke under her arm holds out a stack of old clothes she wants to buy. I guesstimate the number of items in the stack, make up some hilariously low price (I find simple math tiresome, so actually counting the items and adding up the prices in fifty-cent increments was sooo not going to happen). I gesture towards the tchotchke, and I'm about to ask if she wants to buy that, too, when her friend cuts me off.
Actually, her friend cuts right in front of her, grabs a digital alarm clock off the table next to me, and asks me how much it is. I'm a little surprised to see this alarm clock, since we'd recently replaced it on account of its snooze button being broken.
Here at Chez Container, an alarm clock without a snooze button is unacceptable.
So I'm a little taken aback. I'm not sure it's really ethical to put broken stuff up for sale. On the other hand, we do have a sign that says "all sales are final" (another thing Mrs. C learned from her research). And she is offering to pay me money to take away my junk. "It doesn't work very well," says Mrs. C, helpfully. And that cinches it. I name a price, the lady pays it, and the two of them walk off.
About a minute later, I remember the horrible tchotchke. That lady totally walked off without paying for it! And I'm pretty sure her friend played interference for her, distracting me when I was about to mention it.
For a brief instant, I was annoyed. I'd been ripped off! Crime! Thievery! Buncha savages in this town!
But then I realized something: I was relieved. It was junk, and it was gone. Of all the things you could possibly steal from me, something I should never have had in the first place, and was trying to get rid of anyway? Good riddance. You're doing me a favor, lady.
Plus, your friend just paid me good money for a broken alarm clock. The Wheel of Robbery? In your face.
I Know What You're Thinking
Spoiler Alert!
You're thinking, "Under Siege is a Steven Seagal movie, so it can't be all that good."
And you're right: Steven Seagal cannot really act. It's just not his thing. I mean, I give him mad respect for showing up, hitting his mark, delivering his lines and getting paid. That kind of professionalism means a lot to me. It's not easy to pay the bills, and anybody who can pay the bills with an acting career? Right on, I say. Right on.
But back to the movie. What if I told you "Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey steal a battleship"?
Admit it: You'd be all like, "I must watch this movie STAT!" And you'd be right to do so.
You're thinking, "Under Siege is a Steven Seagal movie, so it can't be all that good."
And you're right: Steven Seagal cannot really act. It's just not his thing. I mean, I give him mad respect for showing up, hitting his mark, delivering his lines and getting paid. That kind of professionalism means a lot to me. It's not easy to pay the bills, and anybody who can pay the bills with an acting career? Right on, I say. Right on.
But back to the movie. What if I told you "Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey steal a battleship"?
Admit it: You'd be all like, "I must watch this movie STAT!" And you'd be right to do so.
Friday, May 15, 2009
"This Meeting Has No Agenda"
A Public Service Announcement
Any time somebody calls a meeting, and then tells you that there's no agenda, be afraid. No good can come of such a meeting. If at all possible, skip the meeting. Get up and walk out if you have to. If you can't avoid the meeting, insist that on having an agenda.
Even if the point of the meeting is free-form brainstorming where anybody can say anything they like, you can still have an agenda. For example:
Brainstorming Meeting - Thursday, 10:30 AM
Agenda: "free-form brainstorming where anybody can say anything they want".
And here's another piece of advice: If you're the one calling the meeting, you're the one who needs to start things off by saying what's on your mind. Asking the attendees to start talking, before you've even given them the discussion topic, is just plain wrong.
Also: If you need to have a discussion with your supervisors and peers, have that discussion with your supervisors and peers. Do NOT call a meeting with your subordinates, and have that discussion with us. We don't care. Even if we did care, we have nothing to contribute to the discussion, because we're not in a position to address any of the issues raised. So you end up having your half of the discussion, while the rest of us sit around wondering why we're here.
And before calling a meeting, please consider very carefully whether the information or request you have in mind can't be better communicated via email. (Hint: It can.)
Finally, if the meeting agenda is to encourage the other attendees to brainstorm creative solutions to vexing problems, you should probably not do most of the talking. You should definitely not cut people off any time they start to speak.
If you fail on any one of these points, I'm suspicious already. If you fail on all of these points, I'm forced to conclude that you're a tiny party hat for my behind, and it's not worth my valuable explosion time to work for you.
Coming Attractions: An explanation of the terms "tiny party hat for my behind" and "valuable explosion time".
Any time somebody calls a meeting, and then tells you that there's no agenda, be afraid. No good can come of such a meeting. If at all possible, skip the meeting. Get up and walk out if you have to. If you can't avoid the meeting, insist that on having an agenda.
Even if the point of the meeting is free-form brainstorming where anybody can say anything they like, you can still have an agenda. For example:
Brainstorming Meeting - Thursday, 10:30 AM
Agenda: "free-form brainstorming where anybody can say anything they want".
And here's another piece of advice: If you're the one calling the meeting, you're the one who needs to start things off by saying what's on your mind. Asking the attendees to start talking, before you've even given them the discussion topic, is just plain wrong.
Also: If you need to have a discussion with your supervisors and peers, have that discussion with your supervisors and peers. Do NOT call a meeting with your subordinates, and have that discussion with us. We don't care. Even if we did care, we have nothing to contribute to the discussion, because we're not in a position to address any of the issues raised. So you end up having your half of the discussion, while the rest of us sit around wondering why we're here.
And before calling a meeting, please consider very carefully whether the information or request you have in mind can't be better communicated via email. (Hint: It can.)
Finally, if the meeting agenda is to encourage the other attendees to brainstorm creative solutions to vexing problems, you should probably not do most of the talking. You should definitely not cut people off any time they start to speak.
If you fail on any one of these points, I'm suspicious already. If you fail on all of these points, I'm forced to conclude that you're a tiny party hat for my behind, and it's not worth my valuable explosion time to work for you.
Coming Attractions: An explanation of the terms "tiny party hat for my behind" and "valuable explosion time".
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Evolution of a Systems Administrator
Milestones:
- Microsoft Windows: Carry out tedious, repetitive tasks by tediously, repetitively pointing and clicking on things.
- UNIX: Carry out tedious, repetitive tasks by tediously, repetitively typing instructions on the command line.
- UNIX: Carry out tedious, repetitive tasks by using some popular command-line shortcuts (up-arrow, tab completion) to ease the pain. Slightly.
- UNIX: Write a utility script to carry out tedious, repetitive tasks while I update my blog.
- UNIX: Write a utility script in less time than it would take to do the task by hand.
- UNIX: Go back to a utility script I wrote months ago, and wonder "what the heck was I thinking?!"
Historical Perspective, or Historical Blinders?
On the way to work this morning, NPR told me that "due to the deteriorating situation in Afghanistan", the Secretary of Defense was replacing the U.S. military commander there.
Given what the history of the Civil War has suggested to me about "newspaper editors and politicians", I'm inclined to conclude that the situation in Afghanistan is not actually deteriorating in any strategic way, and that the general being replaced is really the best man for the job...
Given what the history of the Civil War has suggested to me about "newspaper editors and politicians", I'm inclined to conclude that the situation in Afghanistan is not actually deteriorating in any strategic way, and that the general being replaced is really the best man for the job...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Crowspotting Developments
In Which We Are Probably Some Kind of Bad Neighbors
Okay, so the thing about liking crows is you want to see them walking around in your front yard, doing all kinds of hilarious crow things.
The solution: Peanuts.
We have a strict rule. Crows only get peanuts if they are either a) around to see us put the peanuts out, or b) hang around outside our house making lots of noise to get our attention.
I'm not sure they know they're getting our attention, but hey. We figure, crows are smart. They should figure it out pretty quick: caw = people = peanuts.
Of course, even though crows can totally outrun (outfly?) us, they're kinda skittish. I guess they figure we might be some kind of previously un-reported teleporting human or something.
So we put out the peanuts, and then go inside and fire up the webcam in the front window. Much hilarity ensues as crows come onto the lawn and crack open peanuts and stalk around and other crowy shenanigans.
I keep waiting for our neighbors to complain that we're spying on them.
It's just the crows, I swear!
Okay, so the thing about liking crows is you want to see them walking around in your front yard, doing all kinds of hilarious crow things.
The solution: Peanuts.
We have a strict rule. Crows only get peanuts if they are either a) around to see us put the peanuts out, or b) hang around outside our house making lots of noise to get our attention.
I'm not sure they know they're getting our attention, but hey. We figure, crows are smart. They should figure it out pretty quick: caw = people = peanuts.
Of course, even though crows can totally outrun (outfly?) us, they're kinda skittish. I guess they figure we might be some kind of previously un-reported teleporting human or something.
So we put out the peanuts, and then go inside and fire up the webcam in the front window. Much hilarity ensues as crows come onto the lawn and crack open peanuts and stalk around and other crowy shenanigans.
I keep waiting for our neighbors to complain that we're spying on them.
It's just the crows, I swear!
I Like Big Books and I Cannot Lie
With apologies to Sir Mix-A-Lot.
So in addition to Understanding the Linux Kernel, I'm also reading The Civil War: A Narrative, by Shelby Foote. Here's some impressions I have formed so far:
So in addition to Understanding the Linux Kernel, I'm also reading The Civil War: A Narrative, by Shelby Foote. Here's some impressions I have formed so far:
- A general's own newspaper editors and politicians are probably his worst enemies. Few things are more valuable in a military campaign than a free hand and the privilege of making his own professional assessment; robbed of these two things by the media and the government, his success becomes failure, his defeat becomes disaster, and his victory becomes impossible.
- The morale of the troops counts for a lot.
- Making your own reconnaissance personally counts for a lot.
- Von Clausewitz was right: The best time to utterly destroy your enemy is immediately after defeating him in battle, as he is retreating in disarray.
- Von Clausewitz was also right: The hardest thing to do in battle is pursue and destroy the enemy, when you are in disarray immediately after defeating him.
- The Civil War was essentially a war of Generals. Thousands of soldiers, but only a few personalities in a position to guide the course of the battle.
- I found it interesting to learn that all the professional Generals had trained together at West Point, and many of them--along with many of the amateur generals in the war--were veterans of the recent war with Mexico.
- With the same training, and the same experience, the war seems to have hinged greatly on the individual personalities of the Generals involved: Who had better learned the lessons of the classroom and the battlefield. Who could better understand and exploit the situations that confronted him. Etc.
- Ironclads freakin' rock.
Friday, May 8, 2009
In Other News
Or, I Have A Confession To Make
Okay, this is kind of embarassing: I've never customized or compiled my own Linux kernel. I understand that a lot of people have never done this. However, a lot of people aren't Systems Administrators. I know, right? I can't believe I'm actually admitting to this.
Anyway, as a sysadmin, I'm waaay overdue for a walk around the Linux block. So on the advice of a friend, I picked up O'Reilly's Understanding the Linux Kernel. The concept was, I'd download a Linux distribution, customize it this way and that, and learn as I went along. All I really needed was some kind of Getting Started or DIY guide.
Understanding the Linux Kernel turns out to be a massive frickin' tome. Thicker than any other O'Reilly book on my bookshelf. Massier than my Database Systems textbook. And so far it's looking like a pretty deep dive into the internals of the operating system. Certainly deeper than I've ever dived before, and I'm still only in the Introduction.
It's been quite an emotional rollercoaster, let me tell you.
The book arrives: What have I gotten myself into?
The intended audience: "anyone who's interested in learning more about the Linux kernel." Hey, that sounds like me. Right on!
The prerequisites: "There are no prerequisites..." Sweet! Perfect for a kernel beginner like me!
"... except familiarity with the C programming language, and maybe an assembly language." Familiarity with C, assembly a plus? Those are some pretty serious prerequsities!
Anyway, it's a book, so I can't help but read it. I think it's going to work out really well, actually.
In Other News
In other news, tomorrow's itinerary looks something like this:
4:30 AM: Get up. Our coffee-robot should have coffee made for us. Mrs. C. rides the motorcycle down to the park, to get some nighttime riding hours in. I drive the chase car.
5:00 AM: At the park. Attend the levee of the local crows who roost there in their thousands.
6:00 AM: At the park. Put in some time doing low-speed, tight-maneuver riding in the parking lot. This is a critical motorcycle-riding skill, and one that requires a lot of practice to really master.
8:00 AM: Ride home. I'll put in some cruising time, and Mrs C. will drive the chase car.
8:30 AM: Get more coffee from our friendly neighborhood coffee shop (stimulate the local economy!).
9:00 AM: Go to the local shipping joint, send off my laptop to get repaired. I've been putting this off for over a month, because I have an emergency backup laptop, and I hate paperwork and bureaucracy. Also, send my mom her birthday present, and my dad his mother's day gift. Or the other way around. I'm not sure. Mrs. C. keeps track of all that stuff.
10:00 AM: Return home. Turn on the new server we just ordered, install VMware ESXi, and get to work on "understanding the Linux kernel". I'll let you know how it goes.
Okay, this is kind of embarassing: I've never customized or compiled my own Linux kernel. I understand that a lot of people have never done this. However, a lot of people aren't Systems Administrators. I know, right? I can't believe I'm actually admitting to this.
Anyway, as a sysadmin, I'm waaay overdue for a walk around the Linux block. So on the advice of a friend, I picked up O'Reilly's Understanding the Linux Kernel. The concept was, I'd download a Linux distribution, customize it this way and that, and learn as I went along. All I really needed was some kind of Getting Started or DIY guide.
Understanding the Linux Kernel turns out to be a massive frickin' tome. Thicker than any other O'Reilly book on my bookshelf. Massier than my Database Systems textbook. And so far it's looking like a pretty deep dive into the internals of the operating system. Certainly deeper than I've ever dived before, and I'm still only in the Introduction.
It's been quite an emotional rollercoaster, let me tell you.
The book arrives: What have I gotten myself into?
The intended audience: "anyone who's interested in learning more about the Linux kernel." Hey, that sounds like me. Right on!
The prerequisites: "There are no prerequisites..." Sweet! Perfect for a kernel beginner like me!
"... except familiarity with the C programming language, and maybe an assembly language." Familiarity with C, assembly a plus? Those are some pretty serious prerequsities!
Anyway, it's a book, so I can't help but read it. I think it's going to work out really well, actually.
In Other News
In other news, tomorrow's itinerary looks something like this:
4:30 AM: Get up. Our coffee-robot should have coffee made for us. Mrs. C. rides the motorcycle down to the park, to get some nighttime riding hours in. I drive the chase car.
5:00 AM: At the park. Attend the levee of the local crows who roost there in their thousands.
6:00 AM: At the park. Put in some time doing low-speed, tight-maneuver riding in the parking lot. This is a critical motorcycle-riding skill, and one that requires a lot of practice to really master.
8:00 AM: Ride home. I'll put in some cruising time, and Mrs C. will drive the chase car.
8:30 AM: Get more coffee from our friendly neighborhood coffee shop (stimulate the local economy!).
9:00 AM: Go to the local shipping joint, send off my laptop to get repaired. I've been putting this off for over a month, because I have an emergency backup laptop, and I hate paperwork and bureaucracy. Also, send my mom her birthday present, and my dad his mother's day gift. Or the other way around. I'm not sure. Mrs. C. keeps track of all that stuff.
10:00 AM: Return home. Turn on the new server we just ordered, install VMware ESXi, and get to work on "understanding the Linux kernel". I'll let you know how it goes.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Crowspotting: The Park At Dawn
Or, 4 Crows 1 Bag
Sweet! You check it out, I've got your back!
Hey guys, what's up?
Oh, hey, a bag! Can we get in on that?
Totally! Bag for everybody!
Sweet! You check it out, I've got your back!
Hey guys, what's up?
Oh, hey, a bag! Can we get in on that?
Totally! Bag for everybody!Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sweden!
Or, Another Real Conversation That Really Happened
MRS. CONTAINER: ... I'm just trying to get you to be human.
ME: ... As opposed to what?
MRS. C: A huge geek.
ME: Oh. I thought maybe I could be an awsome robot from the future.
MRS. C: No. You cannot be an awsome robot from the future.
ME: What about Sweden? Can I be an awsome robot from Sweden? Sweden is like the future.
MRS. C: Well... okay. You can be an awsome robot from Sweden.
ME: Hrm. Actually, now that I think about it... Information about Sweden takes time to get to us, right?
MRS. C: Right...
ME: So the Sweden we know is actually Sweden from the past.
MRS. C: . . .
ME: And since it would take me time to go to Sweden, when I arrived I'd be in Sweden from the future.
MRS. C: Okay, time to go to work. Make sure you have your cell phone, pager, laptop, badge, wallet, and lunch.
ME: Lunch... from the future.
MRS. CONTAINER: ... I'm just trying to get you to be human.
ME: ... As opposed to what?
MRS. C: A huge geek.
ME: Oh. I thought maybe I could be an awsome robot from the future.
MRS. C: No. You cannot be an awsome robot from the future.
ME: What about Sweden? Can I be an awsome robot from Sweden? Sweden is like the future.
MRS. C: Well... okay. You can be an awsome robot from Sweden.
ME: Hrm. Actually, now that I think about it... Information about Sweden takes time to get to us, right?
MRS. C: Right...
ME: So the Sweden we know is actually Sweden from the past.
MRS. C: . . .
ME: And since it would take me time to go to Sweden, when I arrived I'd be in Sweden from the future.
MRS. C: Okay, time to go to work. Make sure you have your cell phone, pager, laptop, badge, wallet, and lunch.
ME: Lunch... from the future.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Too Big To... Wait, What?
Or, I know I know but still
So I hear that GM is now gonna be mostly owned by the UAW and the Federal Government. Which, I figure, means that the Federal Government will continue to prop it up for years to come. This got me thinking.
First, it got me thinking, how does this happen? How does a company that employs so many people, that comprises such a large fraction of the nation's economy, suck so badly that it's about to fail?
Bench duck is suspicious.
I know, I know. If I were to ask my go-to econ guy George, I'm sure he'd have all kinds of explanations about how big companies can fail just as easily as small ones. But still... Really? Really? Is this really how it's supposed to be? Big company, big payroll, big business... failing?
Which brings me to the second thing it got me thinking: Is this really the kind of company I want to own? Is it really the kind of company I want the government to own on my behalf, with my money? I mean, I'm pretty sure it's not even the kind of company I'd want to work for.
The third thing I was thinking was... about this whole "too big to fail" thing. How does that work, exactly? I know, I know. If they fail, they take down too much of the economy with them. But still. It kinda seems like a lame excuse, if you ask me.
"Too big to fail." It's weak. Weaksauce. You know what I want to hear? "Too awsome to fail." "Too busy eating the competition's lunch to fail." "Too successful to fail." I mean, if I'm gonna own some companies, I want to own the ones that aren't, you know, failing. I dunno. That's just me, I guess.
Finally, it got me thinking about how whenever there's a big union strike, like at Boeing or wherever, I always wonder if, since Labor seems to think it knows better than Management how to run a company, why they even bother having Management at all? Why work for Boeing, if Boeing doesn't know how to run an airplane company? Why not take those union dues, buy your own factory, and manufacture your own airplanes? You know?
Anyway, now that the UAW pension fund owns 55% of General Motors, I guess I'm kinda getting to satisfy my curiosity: does Labor really know better than Management, or not? I just wish they'd try out this little experiment without using my money for it.
My economic prediction: continued growth in the Thumbs Futures market, over the next several quarters.
So I hear that GM is now gonna be mostly owned by the UAW and the Federal Government. Which, I figure, means that the Federal Government will continue to prop it up for years to come. This got me thinking.
First, it got me thinking, how does this happen? How does a company that employs so many people, that comprises such a large fraction of the nation's economy, suck so badly that it's about to fail?
Bench duck is suspicious.I know, I know. If I were to ask my go-to econ guy George, I'm sure he'd have all kinds of explanations about how big companies can fail just as easily as small ones. But still... Really? Really? Is this really how it's supposed to be? Big company, big payroll, big business... failing?
Which brings me to the second thing it got me thinking: Is this really the kind of company I want to own? Is it really the kind of company I want the government to own on my behalf, with my money? I mean, I'm pretty sure it's not even the kind of company I'd want to work for.
The third thing I was thinking was... about this whole "too big to fail" thing. How does that work, exactly? I know, I know. If they fail, they take down too much of the economy with them. But still. It kinda seems like a lame excuse, if you ask me.
"Too big to fail." It's weak. Weaksauce. You know what I want to hear? "Too awsome to fail." "Too busy eating the competition's lunch to fail." "Too successful to fail." I mean, if I'm gonna own some companies, I want to own the ones that aren't, you know, failing. I dunno. That's just me, I guess.
Finally, it got me thinking about how whenever there's a big union strike, like at Boeing or wherever, I always wonder if, since Labor seems to think it knows better than Management how to run a company, why they even bother having Management at all? Why work for Boeing, if Boeing doesn't know how to run an airplane company? Why not take those union dues, buy your own factory, and manufacture your own airplanes? You know?
Anyway, now that the UAW pension fund owns 55% of General Motors, I guess I'm kinda getting to satisfy my curiosity: does Labor really know better than Management, or not? I just wish they'd try out this little experiment without using my money for it.
My economic prediction: continued growth in the Thumbs Futures market, over the next several quarters.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thumbs!
Or, A Real Conversation That Really Happened
Sometimes my frustration levels get so high I start exaggerating for comedic value. So no, I don't seriously think the people responsible for the current economic crisis should cut off their thumbs and mail them to me. But if I did...
MRS. CONTAINER: Yeah, I'm seeing a severe shortage of thumbs in the future.
ME: Right, because I'm going to have them all.
MRS. C: No, I meant you're going to have a thumb shortage, on account of I don't think wrongdoers are actually going to send you their thumbs.
ME: Well, they should. In fact, in the future, there's going to be a massive thumb shortage, because I'll be stockpiling them all.
MRS. C: . . .
ME: In fact, I'm going to harvest so many thumbs, that in the future the human race will evolve to not even have thumbs, just to avoid the hassle of getting their thumbs harvested by my thumb-bots.
MRS. C: . . .
ME [making pinching motions with my thumb and forefinger]: That's what I'm going to call my little crab-robots that go around snipping thumbs.
MRS. C [making pinching motions]: Ironic that they'll need thumbs to do it.
ME: But not opposable thumbs. More like mandibles. Only, at the end of their arms. So really, handibles. That's what I'll call them. Handibles.
MRS. C: Handibles.
ME: Totally. My most popular model will be the Lecter 3000.
Okay, parts of this conversation have been exaggerated for comedic value. But get it? Handibles! Lecter! I feel better already!
Sometimes my frustration levels get so high I start exaggerating for comedic value. So no, I don't seriously think the people responsible for the current economic crisis should cut off their thumbs and mail them to me. But if I did...
MRS. CONTAINER: Yeah, I'm seeing a severe shortage of thumbs in the future.
ME: Right, because I'm going to have them all.
MRS. C: No, I meant you're going to have a thumb shortage, on account of I don't think wrongdoers are actually going to send you their thumbs.
ME: Well, they should. In fact, in the future, there's going to be a massive thumb shortage, because I'll be stockpiling them all.
MRS. C: . . .
ME: In fact, I'm going to harvest so many thumbs, that in the future the human race will evolve to not even have thumbs, just to avoid the hassle of getting their thumbs harvested by my thumb-bots.
MRS. C: . . .
ME [making pinching motions with my thumb and forefinger]: That's what I'm going to call my little crab-robots that go around snipping thumbs.
MRS. C [making pinching motions]: Ironic that they'll need thumbs to do it.
ME: But not opposable thumbs. More like mandibles. Only, at the end of their arms. So really, handibles. That's what I'll call them. Handibles.
MRS. C: Handibles.
ME: Totally. My most popular model will be the Lecter 3000.
Okay, parts of this conversation have been exaggerated for comedic value. But get it? Handibles! Lecter! I feel better already!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Why Crows?
Or, What is the Deal With Crows?
Our go-to reference on crows.
Our go-to reference on crows.It all started a couple years ago, at our local drive-through coffee joint.
Drive-through coffee, by the way, is one of civilization's great little achievements.
Anyway, our local drive-through coffee joint shares a parking lot with a fast-food restaurant, a 24 hour convenience store, and a few other similar establishments. Every morning we'd be down there, getting our coffee, chatting with the proprietors... and after a while, I began to notice the crows.
Like often happens once I get around to noticing stuff, I began to wonder, what is the deal with all these crows? I mean, think about it: They're scavenging the dumpster for hamburger wrappers and sipping dirty, oily water from parking lot puddles. Hardly a healthy diet. Yet there's tons of crows, and they all seem plump and glossy. So clearly this lifestyle must be working out for them in some way.
The more I thought about it, the more interesting crows seemed. I began to notice them more and more. And more and more, I began to appreciate all their little antics and shenanigans. In the air, black silhouettes against the sky, they seemed striking and iconic. Strutting about on the ground, they seemed comical. I'd see them perched on streetlights, sidling up to each other, cleaning their beaks, flicking their wing and tail feathers. Throwing their whole bodies into their hoarse calls.
We started watching crows whenever we could. We'd scan parking lots, cheer them on (quietly, from a respectful distance) as they worked at extracting ranch dressing from a single-serving plastic fast food container. We'd see them walking up and down the sidewalk, looking for bugs in the grass border, or scanning the gutter for who-knows-what crow delicacy. We'd see them harassing hawks along the freeway, or playing tag with each other around an office building. We'd mourn the tragic loss of any small animal struck by a car and dead in the road, and at the same time celebrate the good fortune of whatever crow might happen across such a feast (it turns out we are ruthless in our appreciation of crows).
We started to notice the vast flocks of crows that would fly south every morning, and north again every evening ("crowmmuting", we call it). We realized they must be sleeping in a communal roost overnight. One evening we followed them at dusk to the parking lot behind a shopping mall in North County. As the sun set, the trees in the lot filled with thousands of crows. A hundred different caws filled the air, all overlapping in one huge chorus. Then, as night came on, the trees began to empty, and the crows all moved northwards, across the creek, and into the park.
In additiont to some tennis courts, baseball diamonds, and picnic areas, the park boasted a fairly dense wooded area, which is where these thousands of crows spend every night. At least a couple times a month, we'll get up before dawn, drive down there, and walk the trails while the crows wake up. They'll fill the air with their noise. First by ones and twos, then by the hundreds, they'll rise up out of the woods, and scatter to the four corners of the county, intent on their crow business.
Incidentally, this is how we ended up buying the robot. We discovered that our cheap little pocket camera flatly sucked at taking pictures of crows. Especially moving crows. Especially in poor lighting conditions. So we asked around, did some research, and got a camera that can actually do the job. We just went "crowing" on Saturday. I'll try to upload some of our pictures this week.
Drive-through coffee, by the way, is one of civilization's great little achievements.
Anyway, our local drive-through coffee joint shares a parking lot with a fast-food restaurant, a 24 hour convenience store, and a few other similar establishments. Every morning we'd be down there, getting our coffee, chatting with the proprietors... and after a while, I began to notice the crows.
Like often happens once I get around to noticing stuff, I began to wonder, what is the deal with all these crows? I mean, think about it: They're scavenging the dumpster for hamburger wrappers and sipping dirty, oily water from parking lot puddles. Hardly a healthy diet. Yet there's tons of crows, and they all seem plump and glossy. So clearly this lifestyle must be working out for them in some way.
The more I thought about it, the more interesting crows seemed. I began to notice them more and more. And more and more, I began to appreciate all their little antics and shenanigans. In the air, black silhouettes against the sky, they seemed striking and iconic. Strutting about on the ground, they seemed comical. I'd see them perched on streetlights, sidling up to each other, cleaning their beaks, flicking their wing and tail feathers. Throwing their whole bodies into their hoarse calls.
We started watching crows whenever we could. We'd scan parking lots, cheer them on (quietly, from a respectful distance) as they worked at extracting ranch dressing from a single-serving plastic fast food container. We'd see them walking up and down the sidewalk, looking for bugs in the grass border, or scanning the gutter for who-knows-what crow delicacy. We'd see them harassing hawks along the freeway, or playing tag with each other around an office building. We'd mourn the tragic loss of any small animal struck by a car and dead in the road, and at the same time celebrate the good fortune of whatever crow might happen across such a feast (it turns out we are ruthless in our appreciation of crows).
We started to notice the vast flocks of crows that would fly south every morning, and north again every evening ("crowmmuting", we call it). We realized they must be sleeping in a communal roost overnight. One evening we followed them at dusk to the parking lot behind a shopping mall in North County. As the sun set, the trees in the lot filled with thousands of crows. A hundred different caws filled the air, all overlapping in one huge chorus. Then, as night came on, the trees began to empty, and the crows all moved northwards, across the creek, and into the park.
In additiont to some tennis courts, baseball diamonds, and picnic areas, the park boasted a fairly dense wooded area, which is where these thousands of crows spend every night. At least a couple times a month, we'll get up before dawn, drive down there, and walk the trails while the crows wake up. They'll fill the air with their noise. First by ones and twos, then by the hundreds, they'll rise up out of the woods, and scatter to the four corners of the county, intent on their crow business.
Incidentally, this is how we ended up buying the robot. We discovered that our cheap little pocket camera flatly sucked at taking pictures of crows. Especially moving crows. Especially in poor lighting conditions. So we asked around, did some research, and got a camera that can actually do the job. We just went "crowing" on Saturday. I'll try to upload some of our pictures this week.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Container Spotting: Ships at Sea Edition.
Cosco ship in Puget Sound, from the beach at Edmonds.
Yang Ming ship in Puget Sound, from a vantage point in downtown Edmonds.
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