Kindness to Robots

Or, stuff I'm pretty sure nobody else thinks about.

So there's a drink-dispensing machine at work. Unlike the typical machine, this one has a special claw on a robotic apparatus, that moves across the face of the machine, picks a can or bottle out of the appropriate slot, and carries it down to the dispensing door.

Since this machine a) has bottled water, and b) its contents are 100% subsidized by HasturCom, I visit it two or three times a day.

And each time, I try to select the slot that will require the least work from the robot--minimize its travel distance, basically. I tell myself this is to save my valuable time. But really, I know that it's also because I like being nice to the robot.

Living In The Past

With Apologies to Jethro Tull

Really, 2009?

Really?

So I'm running this report. Apparently I applied for a job as a Systems Administrator, and they gave me a job as an Administrative Assistant. But that's not the point.

The point is, this report will only run straight into a browser, as HTML. There are no other options to save it in any other format. In 2009.

I'm pretty sure this is the future--many Gibsons into the future, at least. And I'm pretty sure that the modern robots of today are perfectly capable of generating files in multiple formats.

Today I am very disappointed in the architects of tomorrow.

The Meeting: Stream of Consciousness

Or, maybe I should pay more attention...

Another day, another boring meeting... Haha, people have the funniest wallpapers... I don't care about this meeting at all... Time to catch up on some paperwork... Or catch up on my blogroll... Whatever... Wait, what? Is this guy apologizing to me? Why? Oh. He's apologizing for wasting my time? No, it's okay, I know how to keep myself busy... Oh, there's a story? He's been taking some management classes... He's learned to value my time better... So now he's wasting my time telling me all of this... That's it, I'm clearing my calendar. No more meetings!

"This Meeting Has No Agenda"

A Public Service Announcement

Any time somebody calls a meeting, and then tells you that there's no agenda, be afraid. No good can come of such a meeting. If at all possible, skip the meeting. Get up and walk out if you have to. If you can't avoid the meeting, insist that on having an agenda.

Even if the point of the meeting is free-form brainstorming where anybody can say anything they like, you can still have an agenda. For example:

Brainstorming Meeting - Thursday, 10:30 AM
Agenda: "free-form brainstorming where anybody can say anything they want".

And here's another piece of advice: If you're the one calling the meeting, you're the one who needs to start things off by saying what's on your mind. Asking the attendees to start talking, before you've even given them the discussion topic, is just plain wrong.

Also: If you need to have a discussion with your supervisors and peers, have that discussion with your supervisors and peers. Do NOT call a meeting with your subordinates, and have that discussion with us. We don't care. Even if we did care, we have nothing to contribute to the discussion, because we're not in a position to address any of the issues raised. So you end up having your half of the discussion, while the rest of us sit around wondering why we're here.

And before calling a meeting, please consider very carefully whether the information or request you have in mind can't be better communicated via email. (Hint: It can.)

Finally, if the meeting agenda is to encourage the other attendees to brainstorm creative solutions to vexing problems, you should probably not do most of the talking. You should definitely not cut people off any time they start to speak.

If you fail on any one of these points, I'm suspicious already. If you fail on all of these points, I'm forced to conclude that you're a tiny party hat for my behind, and it's not worth my valuable explosion time to work for you.

Coming Attractions: An explanation of the terms "tiny party hat for my behind" and "valuable explosion time".

HasturCom Patent of the Week

Introduction
Deep in the bowels of HasturCom's R'lyeh campus, the Elder Things have tiled a twisty passage with myterious signs and sigils. Each tile commemorates one of HasturCom's many original patents. Whenever the terms of my servitude bend my path towards that eldritch citadel, I always take a minute to walk that brazen corridor, and attempt to grok the fullness of one such patent.

A Method For Reducing Latency in Voice Communications Over Data Networks
The beauty of transmitting analog information over digital media is that you don't always need all the information.

There's often a delay--"latency"--between when you speak into your mouthpiece and your interlocutor hears your words in their earpiece. This patent describes one solution to this problem:

First, it is understood that the analog information--your spoken voice--is converted into digital information. This digital information is organized into "frames", and each frame is transmitted across the network to whoever it is you're talking to. At the far end, the frames of digital information are converted back into an analog stream, which that person hears as a reasonable facsimile of your original speech.

If, however, the network detects latency, it reduces this delay by periodically "dropping" a frame. This results in less data for the network to transmit, and thus speeds up the process. The person listening to your speech doesn't notice the missing frames, because the conversion from digital to analog masks the gaps in the stream (which are individually so brief that they fall below the human threshold for detection).

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, somebody needed to patent that? Apparently so.